How to Fix a Broken Marriage God’s Way (6 Steps for True Healing)

🌺  Written by Guest

Stuck in a difficult marriage? You can find true healing. If you’re wondering, “Can a broken marriage be repaired?” The answer is yes. Here’s how to fix a broken marriage God’s way.

 How to Fix a Broken Marriage God's Way (6 Steps for True Healing)Guest Post by Donna

 

This year my husband and I will celebrate our 40th wedding anniversary. Forty years of good times, bad times, and everything in between.

Because while we are very happy now, it hasn’t always been this way.

 

My husband and I married when I was 20 and he was 25. Both relatively young, neither of us really had been taught the skills we needed to deal with the conflict that inevitably happens within a life-long marriage.

I hate drama, and would deal with conflict by avoidance and withdrawal. My husband, on the other hand, would try to win any argument with anger. Anger was his means of controlling the world around him.

All relationships involve two imperfect people, and we were no exception.

As you can imagine – this led to some rocky times over the years!

 

Over the last forty years, I’ve learned so much about how to fix a broken marriage.

Figuring out how to save your marriage can be a difficult task. I’d like to share with you some of the most important lessons I’ve learned along the way toward healing a broken marriage.

 

Whether you need to figure out how to fix a broken marriage or you simply want to strengthen the good marriage you already have, hopefully these insights will encourage and strengthen you toward saving a marriage or improving it today.

*This post contains affiliate links, which means if you make a purchase, I may make a small commission at no additional cost to you. This helps cover the many costs of running this site and allows me to help provide for my growing family. Thank you!

 

How Can You Follow God’s Will in a Hurting Marriage?

Difficult and painful stages in marriage are no fun — but they do offer the opportunity to grow closer to God when we ask for and follow His will.

I walk you through how to hear God’s voice and follow His will in my brand new book, Follow God’s Will: Biblical Guidelines for Everyday Life, along with the Follow God’s Will companion workbook.

Practical, encouraging, and full of biblical truth, Follow God’s Will is designed to help you answer questions including:

  • What does God want me to do?
  • How do I apply the Bible’s instructions to my life today?
  • Where is God calling me personally?
  • How can I make a difference right where I am?
  • How should I navigate relationships with those who think, act, or believe differently than I do?
  • And so many more!

Both books officially launch on October 4th, 2022, BUT you can start reading the first chapter today for free!

Simply enter your first name and email below, and I’ll send you an exclusive “first-peek” right away, right to your inbox!

 

How to Fix a Broken Marriage God’s Way

 

1. You Can Fix a Broken Marriage – But You Can’t “Fix” Him

 

As your husband’s wife, you are closer to him than anyone else. This means you can see all his flaws. This does NOT mean, however, that it’s your job to fix themA change in behavior must come through a change of heart, and that is the work of the Holy Spirit.

You can pray for your husband. You can encourage your husband. You can build your husband up. But you can’t change him or make him do anything he does not want to do.

Let me state this clearly: When I was wondering how to save my marriage, I realized quickly that nagging doesn’t work!

You can, however, figure out how to fix a marriage, take the steps needed, and fix your own attitude. But you can’t “fix” your husband.

While working on how to save my marriage, I had to see the good in my husband, love him for who he is, and let the Holy Spirit deal with the rest.

 

2. Your Husband’s Anger Isn’t Always About You

 

While it’s very tempting to feel wounded and take it personally when your husband is angry or in a bad mood, your husband’s anger may not be about you at all. Sometimes a husband will simply take his frustrations out on a wife because she is there and he feels safe doing so.

(Whether this is right or wrong – we all do it sometimes.)

One of the most liberating things when learning how to fix a marriage is understanding that his frustration isn’t about you.

It is very freeing to realize he can be in a bad mood, and it doesn’t have to be your fault or your responsibility.

I used to get very hurt and wounded when my husband would get angry. Now I am able to let him spout off and get it out of his system when he needs to without getting personally offended.

The good news is: if he is talking, you at least know what is going on. He is sharing what is going on in his emotions and he is being open enough to let you know what he is going through.

If you are wanting to know how to save your marriage, do your best to ignore the anger and listen to what he’s really saying. What’s really going on? What is he really angry about?

These are great insights to have as you’re working on figuring out how to fix a broken marriage!

 

3. You Have to Own Up to Your Part in the Problem

 

That being said, sometimes it IS about you. Maybe there are things you are doing that contribute to the situation and make it worse. And you cannot fix a broken marriage unless you are willing to take responsibility for your half.

In learning how to fix a failing marriage, you must be willing to ask the Lord to show you the areas in your life that are not what they should be and be brave enough to make the necessary changes.

All of our motives are not always as pure as we want to think they are, and we all have plenty of room for improvement.

Ask yourself: How am I adding to the situation? Are there things I am doing or failing to do? Am I setting my husband up for success? Do I give him the benefit of the doubt and turn the other cheek? Do I always respond in love and grace?

It doesn’t matter if your husband is a jerk or the sweetest man alive. When you are faced with needing to know how to save your marriage, we need to understand that we are always responsible for our responses, no matter the circumstances.

It is not your husband’s job to make you happy. You must own up to your part of the situation as well.

 

Related Reading: 6 Things to Ask Yourself Before You Work on Your Marriage

 

4. Divorce Isn’t the Only Way When Asking How to Fix a Broken Marriage

 

Please take this the right way: While there are definitely times when divorce is okay or even necessary, divorce is not the only option. And sometimes, God may be calling you to endure a rough season so that you can reap the reward later.

That’s how it was for me.

At one point, our marriage had deteriorated to the point that I had gone numb emotionally. I knew we were in trouble, but did not see a way out. I considered contacting a lawyer to protect myself and my children in the event my marriage failed.

 

I remember specifically asking God, “Can I give him back?”

I very quickly and emphatically got a “no.”

 

Yes, there are good reasons to walk away, and I may have even been justified in doing so, but I knew God had other plans for me and for my marriage.

So I determined in my heart that if my marriage failed, it would be because my husband walked away, not me. I wasn’t giving up on my marriage. Instead, I was going to figure out how to fix my marriage.

 

Related Reading: Is Divorce Ever Okay?

 

5. When You Can’t Do it For Your Husband, Do it Out of Obedience to the Lord.

 

When working on how to repair a marriage, this decision made a huge difference in how I handled conflict.

I realize that I had to choose how I would respond. When we had a disagreement and I felt he was treating me unfairly, I had a choice: I could sulk. I could try to “win” the argument. I could try other tactics.

But instead I asked myself: “If divorce is not an option, and you don’t want to stay where you are in your marriage, what response will bring healing? What is the right thing to do?”

I chose to figure out how to fix my broken marriage rather than fight for my rights.

It wasn’t always easy. But in the most difficult days, when I didn’t have much to give, I did my best to love my husband out of obedience to the Lord.

I believe in God’s will for marriage restoration, and I believe the Lord saw my heart and honored this commitment in my desire to know how to save my marriage.

 

6. It Can Take a Long Time for the Answer to Your Prayers to Come – And it May not be the Way you Want

 

Sometimes God answers prayer right away. Other times, God says wait.

I prayed for many years to the Lord to show me how to fix a broken marriage before the answer came. And when He did finally respond, it certainly wasn’t in the way that I expected.

The game-changer in my marriage came in the form of a crisis. It was very painful at the time, but I thank God that it happened. Looking back, it was the only situation that we could have gone through that would have produced the healing my broken marriage needed.

Yet, while it was painful at the time, it was also a time of spiritual growth and intimacy with the Lord.

I’ve heard it said that the Lord does not waste any pain. I have found this to be true – at least in my life. So if you are dealing with a broken marriage right now, don’t give up just yet. Use this season of life to get to know the Lord in a very real way. He is there and has not abandoned you. God has a plan for your life, and it’s a good one.

 

Related reading: Why Doesn’t God Answer My Prayers

 

Nothing is a quick marriage fix. After forty years, I can say with confidence that marriage isn’t always easy and it takes work. And I can also tell you… it has all been worth it.

That same husband I wanted to give back all those years ago? Now I love him with all my heart. He treats me with love and respect. I watch him daily try to please me and care for me. We often look at each other and know what the other is thinking without saying the words. There is no one on this earth who knows me better than my husband.

I thank the Lord often that I have the privilege to call him my husband and friend.

 

If you’re looking for encouragement as you try to figure out how to fix a broken marriage, just know that there is hope. The Lord has honored my faith and obedience and healed my broken marriage, and I know He can for you too.

 

Find Freedom in Knowing — and Following — God’s Will for Your Marriage

Whether your marriage is in dire need of help, or you and your husband are in a good place, you can find peace and freedom when you’re following God’s will for your marriage. But how can you know you’re in sync with God?

I break down God’s will for our lives to its most basic elements in my brand new book, Follow God’s Will: Biblical Guidelines for Everyday Life, along with the Follow God’s Will companion workbook.

Practical, encouraging, and full of biblical truth, Follow God’s Will is designed to help you answer questions including:

  • What does God want me to do?
  • How do I apply the Bible’s instructions to my life today?
  • Where is God calling me personally?
  • How can I make a difference right where I am?
  • How should I navigate relationships with those who think, act, or believe differently than I do?
  • And so many more!

Both books officially launch on October 4th, 2022, BUT you can start reading the first chapter today for free!

Simply enter your first name and email below, and I’ll send you an exclusive “first-peek” right away, right to your inbox!

 

 

Have you ever gone through an especially difficult season in your marriage, or found yourself Googling, “How to fix a marriage God’s way?” How did you get through it? Do you have any advice for our readers on how to heal a broken marriage?

Join the Discussion

Comment policy: All opinions are welcome here and friendly, edifying debates are encouraged. However, comments that are rude, hateful, malicious, or spammy will be immediately deleted without warning. Your email address will not be shared publicly. 

  1. Wow, this is so good. Thank you so much! I definitely needed to read something like this today. I’m grateful for being able to read this! Once again. Thank you so much.

  2. we keep having fights and stuff from the past over and over and yelling and using hurtfull words to each other that stay with us.untill the nexted fight.sometime our daughter gets between our relationship as well. by seperating or making me pick one of them over the other. its hard to tell what in all going on but right now all i see is to fixs us to get out.but something or the lord is telling me to fight.the hurt is what make me want to go.we tend to use words.to really hurt one an other. some time it gets pretty rough. i have been praying right now we havent talked for a week or more and voiding each other .me more because iam afraid of the words and argements that comes up.its easyer to stay in seperate rooms right now and dont know if that is right or wrong.

  3. Hello. I am a newlywed who is happily married. We have a great relationship and are both in love with Jesus. The problem is that he is a former widower and we got married very close on the heals of her passing. It has been a very hard year because as happy as we are, it is his first without her. Now I realize that one of the first reactions is to say, be compassionate to him, he’s grieving, you should have known that this would be a challenge. I am doing all of these things, and am not giving up on him. I have walked with him throughout this entire process. And while I can’t take on his grief, I feel it every bit as much because we live in their house, her stuff is all over the place and he’s only recently purged the last of her clothes. Her ashes sit on the floor by the fireplace. He is still very sensitive, obviously, and is unwilling to hear how his constant comparing and talking about her even on dates and intimate moments affects me. I loved her, as she was my best friend (we met in church). So, to say that I have a great deal of empathy and compassion for him during this time is an understatement. in fact, I can say that in many ways, its a blessing that I get to pray for him and be there for him in a way no one else could be. That is a blessing and in fact, our Pastor calls me his Esther. But this is taking a great toll on me and our relationship as I’ve sacrificed so much and all I would love is for him to understand a few simple things. I know that he is in his first year without her, and there expectedly and understandably times when he is going to be sad or think of her, the first anniversary of her death, their anniversary, her birthday, etc. I’ve prayed him through these times and been patient. But please consider this: This is also our first year of marriage, so the times when he’s been sad and distant has also been during our first Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Year, his birthday and Valentines Day (which was a total nightmare). But no matter what, I understood and accepted this when I married him. And while I’m praying for him, listening to him, I am also pushing back heavy emotions that are every bit as valid as his emotions and grief. But there is this unspoken expectation that I will and should simply close my mouth and not be hurt or disappointed or indeed, do not speak of these things, as what right do I have? He lost his spouse? But I do have a right, as when she died, his covenant to her ended. The love didn’t and the memories didn’t but the responsibility to her and their covenant ended. When he chose, yes CHOSE, to marry me, he pursued, and asked me and we had several conversations and when he married me, he made a new covenant with me, making me the primary woman the ONLY woman to whom he owes allegiance. Now, I do not expect he will never speak of her, but I do expect that he will not speak of her during intimate moments, or compare me to her, or make me wear her clothes.
    I asked if we could go to therapy and because he feels very strongly that seeking outside help is out of the question, he told me very directly and I quote, ‘if you go to therapy, then you need to understand that will be the downfall of our marriage and it will be on you.’. I will not jeopardize my marriage, so I choose to seek the Lord and rely upon Him to empower me, strengthen me, and give me the grace and words I need to say.
    I am also going through some health concerns that are very similar to hers, so that only complicates matters. I believe that God is the God of this marriage and He is working to bring about healing for my husbands heart and the Holy Spirit is working to pierce his spirit with the truth of what he needs to do to put his past in the past, just as I’ve had to with mine, and move forward with this marriage. Please know that I am not nor have I ever asked him to forget, how could I? our past, all of us, makes up who we are, and I would never ask him to forget her. But I ask only that in his healing, he appreciate the memories they had, the years and time and value them. But acknowledge that I had years before him, too, and now, this is our time, and our future, and I cannot nor should I have to share my marriage with another woman, even one who is now with Jesus and some would say is no threat. She is as she is still in the home. I ask only for prayers from my Sister’s in Christ. Thank you for allowing me to share my heart and recognize that my heart rests solely in the Lord and the power of His might. And we, my husband and I, will overcome! I believe our marriage will be stronger and will endure this painful trial and in the end, he will appreciate me and the beautiful marriage that we are creating in Christ.

  4. Pingback: Biblical Reason To Divorce, and Why I Did Not Choose To Take It
  5. My husband and I are have been split for 18 months our marriage broke down for various reasosn I’m wondering if there is any hope or should I just move on as I’ve already had another partner and think that’s just too much and disagrees with the bible any advice would be gratefull

  6. Wow so blessed with this and just right on time. Because I’m planning to consult a lawyer tomorrow and get my rights because I feel so tired of trying to hold on to my marriage but at the same time I really love my husband and my kids that I really don’t want to separate…. I know that God promised me me that “He will finish what He has started “ but seems that I can’t hold on anymore. I feel like I just keep trying and keep falling…
    I would b very grateful for any encouragement and advice.
    My husband also wants me to find a job but I don’t know how bec we have a five year old and a 1 year old and day care is so expensive. It’s not that I don’t want to work in fact I would want to because I want to also earn money myself and buy what I want but I don’t know. Pls give me any suggestions or work for a stay at home like me. Thanks a lot

  7. I’m so sorry you are going through this right now! You did the right thing by attempting to offer counseling. I hope this is just a tough season and you guys get what you need! It may even be beneficial for your own state of mind for you to talk to someone alone, even if your wife’s heart isn’t in it.

  8. I have married 27 years and became a Christian in 2007and he is not. We have been miserable ever since, no communication, no kissing or holding each other, sleeping in seperate rooms (he snores though) we are roommates sharing a dog and cat in the same house. Counseling is out he wouldn’t go. He does really angry and can be verbal abusive but God wants me to stay. I just want our marriage to become more loving and joyful. Is this even possible?

  9. Thank you for this!! I have already started praying and hopefully vl try all the pointers!! My husband and his family lies often and i get irritated.. and also I feel he manipulates me nd acts sweet wen he needs somwthing. he ia not stable in his work and i get burderned. How can I make him more caring loving and emotionally attached to me. Pls help. He is a Christian but sometimes get carried away with superstition. I am a born again christian and want him to the same but for plaesing his family he often gives in to their traditions. In short; he is not fully born again. if u understand wat i mean. pls advise.

{"email":"Email address invalid","url":"Website address invalid","required":"Required field missing"}