Sometimes I ignore my husband.
There, I said it. But before you jump to conclusions, allow me to clarify–it’s not for the reason you probably think.
You see, there’s a very important lesson I learned from my mother that I carried into my own marriage as well. It has helped me immensely, and I truly believe it can help you too. And that is: Your marriage problems aren’t always your fault. Because it isn’t always about you.
Consider this example:
Say tomorrow night your husband comes home from work, and he’s in a terrible mood. He snaps at you because the house is a wreck. He raises his voice at the kids for being too rambunctious. He complains about this, that and the other thing, and then goes out to the garage to be by himself for a while. Yikes!
How do you respond?
- Do you feel terribly guilty because–he’s right–the house is a wreck and the kids were being way too noisy? You should have taken care of all of that before he got home so he could come home and relax.
- Do you get angry because–who is he to judge?? You had a rough day! He should have seen what the house looked like an hour ago!
- Do you get insecure because, after all, you really aren’t that great of a homemaker and no matter how hard you try, you just can’t seem to keep up?
- Do you feel like a failure, because no matter how hard you try, you just can’t seem to make him happy?
OR do you take the time to find out why he’s ACTUALLY upset? Because it may not be the reason that you think.
*See Also: Four Marriage Communication Skills that Prevent Fights
The truth is–your husband is human. While there will be times when your husband really is mad at you for whatever reason, there will also be just as many, if not more, times when he’s just mad for no good reason at all. Or for a good reason that has nothing to do with you. Like a bad day at work, an argument with a friend or just a plain ol’ rotten day.
The truth is–sometimes he will have good days, and sometimes he will have bad days. Sometimes he will be happy, carefree and playful, but sometimes he will be distant, angry, sullen, depressed, anxious or downright mean.
This doesn’t mean it’s right of him to take it out on you of course. And if it becomes a habitual thing, and he’s habitually being a jerk, it’s time to take action and get out of a bad situation. But–if it’s just a plain old bad day every once in a while–why not just let it go? Ignore it.
Ignore the grouchiness. Ignore the annoying remarks. Ignore the scowling–whatever it is that he does. If it’s not about you–there’s no need to take it personally. And there’s definitely no need to try to “get back at him” and give him the same treatment in return. What is that going to help?
A while back I read a pretty good article by Today’s the Best Day called Why I Am Choosing to Ignore My Wife. In it, Tyson shares how choosing to focus on his wife’s positive qualities and choosing to ignore his wife’s “areas for potential improvement,” so to speak, really changed his mindset in his marriage.
I think that’s great! But I also think we can take it one step further.
Instead of just ignoring your husband’s areas for potential improvement, sometimes it’s necessary to ignore your spouse’s negative words and bad mood as well.
NOT that you don’t care and not that you don’t take responsibility when you need to.
But sometimes, if your spouse is just plain having a bad day, the best thing you can do is just understand–it’s not always about you! No need to get all upset, insecure or paranoid. No need to try to talk about it so you can overanalyze the situation to death. No need to cry, pout or pester. Just give him a hug and a kiss–or space, depending on what he prefers–and that sour mood may just blow over before you know it.
Really. As easy as that.
Do you ever ignore your husband? Does he ever need to ignore you as well? 😉
Please note: There is a difference between having an occasional bad day and perpetually taking his anger and frustrations out on you. If you find yourself in a situation where your husband is constantly taking his problems out on you, don’t ignore it. Take action and seek help immediately. This article on divorce may help.
Brittany
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There is no real excuse for a husband to be grouchy and mad and snap at you for no reason, there are always underlying reasons, that are not being dealt with. I know because I used to like that, I felt I couldn’t talk about my issues so I used to lash out.
If you are serious about your marriage, it’s important to recognize that the only way to do this is through communication.
You will have negative thoughts and emotions, but try to put these aside and allow yourself to feel the love you originally felt for your partner.
There is nothing wrong with disliking many aspects about your spouse and still love them.
You will both need to be flexible and willing to compromise on certain issues to be able to work through your differences.
At the same time you also need to give each other space, to help process what you have discussed and deal with any negative emotions.