Think Jesus was meek and mild? Or the Bible is a boring book of “pleasant” stories? Think again.
Every person (except God the Father) in the Bible was fully human, and as a result, they often said or did things that would make modern readers raise their eyebrows.
Recently, on a popular social platform, someone asked readers to share the “coldest” quotes said by characters in the Bible, and the answers did not disappoint!
If you’re a big fan of sarcasm, wit, and smart clapbacks, you’re going to love these!
1. Elijah Taunted Prophets of Baal
In a massive showdown between Elijah (a prophet of God) and the followers of Baal (a false god), Elijah mockingly implies that Baal is too busy using the restroom to bother to listen to his prophets’ pleas.
After Baals prophet’s spend hours (unsuccessfully) calling to their “god” to send down fire, Elijah covers his altar to God with twelve large buckets of water before (successfully!) calling down fire from Heaven, proving that his God is the real God after all.
1 Kings 18:27 (NLT) reads,
“About noontime Elijah began mocking them. ‘You’ll have to shout louder,” he scoffed, ‘for surely he is a god! Perhaps he is daydreaming, or is relieving himself. Or maybe he is away on a trip, or is asleep and needs to be wakened!'”
2. Ehud Shared a Message from God
For Ehud (an Old Testament judge), quietly taking out the Moabite king wasn’t enough. Ehud wanted the king to know that he was acting as a messenger from God, freeing His people from outside rule.
Judges 3:20-21 says,
“Ehud then approached him while he was sitting alone in the upper room of his palace and said, ‘I have a message from God for you.’ As the king rose from his seat, Ehud reached with his left hand, drew the sword from his right thigh and plunged it into the king’s belly.”
The whole story is graphic and hilarious (although likely not to the king) and definitely worth a read.
3. King Xerxes Commanded a Sharp Punishment
Crafting a plot to take out God’s people? Not so fast.
In this Bible story, the evil, arrogant, and self-centered Haman is impaled on his own pole in his own yard after being forced to parade Mordecai through the streets, giving Mordecai the honor he so desperately wanted.
The whole scene is an excellent, and very amusing, example of situational irony, where the “bad guy” gets the exact revenge he’d planned for the “good guy.”
Esther 7:9 reads,
“Then Harbona, one of the eunuchs attending the king, said, ‘A pole reaching to a height of fifty cubits stands by Haman’s house. He had it set up for Mordecai, who spoke up to help the king.’ The king said, ‘Impale him on it!’”
4. Moses Gave Harsh Instructions to the Israelites
When it’s time to face off against the neighboring kingdoms, Moses isn’t playing around.
He gives the Israelites the command to destroy their people completely, including women and children.
While this command seems irrationally harsh today, God knew that, if the people left survivors, they would end up intermarrying and falling into idolatry, leading to an even worse fate for the Israelite people. And unfortunately, that’s exactly what happened.
Deuteronomy 7:2 says,
“And when the Lord your God has delivered them over to you and you have defeated them, then you must destroy them totally. Make no treaty with them, and show them no mercy.”
5. Ahijah Shared God’s Plan for Jeroboam
This isn’t the only time the God of the Bible seeks justice for his people.
Despite a promising start and a stern warning, King Jeroboam (the first king of the northern kingdom of Israel) chose to worship idols instead of following God, leading the people astray.
God was not happy about this, and promised to take action, comparing Jeroboam to dung.
1 Kings 14:10 says,
“Because of this, I am going to bring disaster on the house of Jeroboam. I will cut off from Jeroboam every last male in Israel—slave or free. I will burn up the house of Jeroboam as one burns dung, until it is all gone.”
6. God Spoke to Job
You can’t blame Job for being upset. Despite being a holy and upright man who follows the Lord faithfully, he loses nearly everything overnight — through no fault of his own and for no good reason he can see.
Anyone in this situation would be devastated. Yet, when his friends confront Job, telling him to repent of his (non-existent) sin and his wife encourages him to give up and curse God, Job refuses. He doesn’t understand, but he knows he’s done nothing wrong.
Still, God eventually gets tired of Job’s doubt and questioning. Rather than giving him a straightforward answer, He puts Job in his place.
Job 38:1-7 reads,
“Who is this that obscures my plans with words without knowledge? Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me. Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? Tell me, if you understand. Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring line across it? On what were its footings set, or who laid its cornerstone–while the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy?”
7. Jepthath Kept His Promise
While making a vow before God can be a good thing, the story of Jephthah in the Bible reminds us of the dangers of making vows we won’t want to keep.
Judges 11:30-31 sets up the scene:
“And Jephthah made a vow to the Lord: ‘If you give the Ammonites into my hands, whatever comes out of the door of my house to meet me when I return in triumph from the Ammonites will be the Lord’s, and I will sacrifice it as a burnt offering.'”
While his intentions may have been good, this is one vow he didn’t think through. Upon returning home from a successful battle, his own daughter is the first to come through the door.
Jephthah cries out “Oh no, my daughter! You have brought me down and I am devastated. I have made a vow to the Lord that I cannot break” (v. 35). After two months, he goes through with his vow.
8. Jesus Talked About False Disciples
Imagine dedicating your entire life to following God’s commandments to the letter (and then some) only to be turned away at the gates of Heaven because you completely missed the point. How devastating!
And yet, this is exactly what Jesus implied would happen to the religious elite of his time (and ours). This would have been shocking to his originally audience.
Matthew 7:23 states,
“Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’”
9. David Wrote a Poem About Training
While King David is rightly praising God in this psalm, the implications of his words are pretty dark.
David is essentially thanking God for helping him destroy thousands of his enemies, ending families and causing unspeakable trauma.
Psalm 144:1 says,
“Praise be to the Lord my Rock,
who trains my hands for war,
my fingers for battle.”
10. Jesus Spoke About Causing Others to Stumble
Yes, each person is ultimately responsible for himself or herself.
However, Jesus makes it clear that we also have some degree of responsibility for the way our actions affect others — whether that’s inflicting damage or tempting others into sin.
Whether or not you agree with his logic, his analogy is pretty graphic.
Mark 9:42 reads,
“If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them if a large millstone were hung around their neck and they were thrown into the sea.”
11. Peter Denied Knowing Jesus
Talk about the ultimate betrayal! As Jesus is taken, mocked, beaten, and prepared for his crucifixion, nearly all of his disciples desert him.
And if that weren’t bad enough, Peter denies even knowing Jesus three times, despite Jesus explicitly warning him that this would happen.
Matthew 26:71-72 states,
“Then he went out to the gateway, where another servant girl saw him and said to the people there, ‘This fellow was with Jesus of Nazareth.’ He denied it again, with an oath: ‘I don’t know the man!'”
12. Jesus Told the “Perfect” Pharisees to Cast the First Stone
When the holier-than-thou Pharisees of Jesus’ time try to trap him into condemning a woman caught in sin, Jesus has the perfect response.
Rather than overlook her sin or punish her for the part she may have played, Jesus essentially tells the religious elite, “Well, if you’re so perfect… go right on ahead.”
Thankfully, the Pharisees get the point and walk away, leaving the woman unharmed.
John 8:7 says,
“When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, ‘Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.'”
The 10 Most Confusing Things Jesus Ever Said or Did
Unfortunately, these words are far from the only confusing or outlandish words the Bible records.
While we know that Jesus is perfect love in human form, he did say many things that are hard for us (as humans with limited understanding) to wrap our heads around.
I hope, that when we get to Heaven, we’ll be able to ask him, “What did you mean by that??” but in the meantime, here are 10 questionable things Jesus said or did that still cause us to scratch our heads in confusion two thousand years later.
The 10 Most Confusing Things Jesus Ever Said or Did
Oops! These 13 Popular Bible Verses Don’t Mean What You Think
Ever read a Bible verse and thought you knew exactly what it meant, only to find out you might have missed the mark?
You’re not alone. We’re about to unravel some common misconceptions and shed light on the true meaning behind these well-known passages.
Get ready for a down-to-earth exploration that might just challenge what you thought you knew about these 13 verses. Let’s dive in and discover the deeper layers of wisdom these scriptures have to offer!
These 13 Popular Bible Verses Don’t Mean What You Think
Brittany Ann is an ECPA bestselling author and founder of Equipping Godly Women and Monetize My Ministry. She’s also a Christian speaker, podcaster, and conference host. Her work has been featured on numerous TV, radio, and online ministries, including CBN, MSN, Christianity Today, Evangelical Alliance, Patheos, Crosswalk, and more.
