Nobody’s perfect. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t strive to be the best parents we possibly can.
If we’re being honest, all of us — even really great parents — have room for improvement somewhere.
The best way to be a better parent? Figure out where you’re falling short and come up with a plan to fix it!
Here are 20 of the most common parenting mistakes even experienced parents make.
1. Not Planning Ahead
You know your little one is eventually going to hit a new milestone, whether that’s the terrible twos, the teenage years, or adulthood. Why not start preparing now?
You can never foresee every situation your child make face someday. However, for the transitions, milestones, and stages that are inevitable, the best time to start preparing and gaining the skills you’ll need to parent these ages is before you’ll need them.
This way, you can respond thoughtfully and appropriately, rather than simply with a blindsided knee-jerk reaction.
2. Not Setting Clear Expectations
For parents, it’s pretty obvious that we sit quietly in church, don’t jump on the furniture or throw rocks at the house, but surprisingly enough–little kids don’t know these things until you teach them!
If you want your children to be especially well behaved when you are out and about, don’t yell at them after the fact.
Tell them what you expect upfront so there are no surprises, and be sure to be specific. As your child get older, you can relax to more general guidelines, but little ones really do need details.
Even if you think your children already know what you expect, it’s worth the 30 seconds it takes for a quick recap before you go in.
3. Not Setting High Enough Expectations
Chances are, your children are far more capable than you know. Or at least they would be, if you gave them the opportunity to rise to the occasion.
While simply doing things for your child may seem easier at first, it really does make your job more difficult down the road. You can’t baby for your kids for 18 years and then expect them to suddenly turn into competent, capable adults.
Instead, give your children chances to learn, grow, and even fail while they’re still young.
You might just be surprised what they are capable of!
4. Having Unrealistic (Too High) Expectations
Alternatively, perhaps you tend to go in the opposite direction, expecting your children to do more than is reasonable for their age or maturity level. This can also present a major problem, as it sets your children up to feel like a failure who can never measure up — so why even try?
All kids (and adults!) will make mistakes at times. We will all have bad days where we’re grouchy, late, disorganized, or rude. It’s part of the human experience.
If you’re not sure if your child’s behavior is age-appropriate, try speaking with your child’s teacher, doctor, peers, or friends of yours who have kids the same age. Sometimes an outside perspective can be incredibly helpful.
5. Neglecting to Fix Problems
There are only so many hours in a day. It makes sense, then, that we physically are not capable of addressing every single concern we see in our children, nor should we try. Sometimes, it’s best to simply let things go.
However, for problems that are major or recurring, ignoring them may not be the solution. While kids will naturally grow out of some behaviors, others will further cement into their personality the longer you allow them.
Take inventory of your family dynamics. Are there any recurring patterns, habits, or behaviors you’re waiting for someone to grow out of… that don’t seem to be going away on their own? It may be time to take action.
6. Not Following Through on Consequences
How many times have you threatened a punishment, only to completely not follow through because it was inconvenient or your child did half of the job you asked them to do?
When you don’t follow through, you teach your children that they don’t have to listen–they aren’t going to have consequences anyways.
There are two easy ways to solve this problem. First, only set consequences when you care enough to follow through. (If you don’t actually care about the behavior, don’t forbid it in the first place). Secondly, only set consequences you know you will actually follow through on.
This way, your kids learn that you are serious, and they do need to listen.
7. Being Inconsistent
Being inconsistent with consequences is one way to undermine your own parenting, but it isn’t the only way. If you take inventory of your day-to-day routine, you may find that there are plenty of times when you’re being inconsistent.
Do you allow certain behaviors on some days but not others, with no real rhyme or reason? Do you let your kids get away with some types of behaviors when they have friends over, on the weekends, or when you’re too tired to deal with it?
While some flexibility is great, you’ll want to make sure your kids understand when things are and are not allowed — rather than creating “rules” your kids can’t possibly keep track of.
8. Being Too Rigid and Inflexible
Alternatively, perhaps you’ve become a bit too strict with the rules in your house. It’s okay to make exceptions sometimes!
There’s nothing wrong with letting your kids eat junk food, watch a little too much TV, or stay up way too late on occasion (especially for special circumstances!) as long as the majority of your day to day is pretty consistent. Sometimes, it’s good to have a little surprise.
9. Always Putting Your Children First
You love your children and want the best for them. Unfortunately, putting your child first can have the opposite effect.
While there are certainly times when a baby or sick child needs to come first, child-centered parenting can pose a real problem.
The universe does not revolve around your children and their wishes, and you are doing them a major disservice if you inadvertently teach them that it does.
Yes, meet your child’s needs! Let them know how important and special they are. But don’t teach them that the world revolves around them. It doesn’t.
10. Being Overprotective
While we may have run wild and free as children, it’s difficult to let our children do the same today with all the scary reports all over the news. Of course you don’t want anything to happen to your child! That’s understandable.
However, when you let the fear run rampant in your parenting, it can lead to becoming an overprotective parent, which also poses some pretty significant drawbacks.
Kids need the freedom to explore, take risks, and even make mistakes as children. It teaches them resilience, persistence, and tenacity. Of course, set boundaries and limits, but don’t be afraid to let your children live a little too.
11. Always Coming to Your Child’s Rescue
What happens when your child gets frustrated by a toy, has a fight with a friend, falls on the playground or forgets his homework? Do you always immediately rush to the rescue?
While it is natural to want to take care of our children, if you are constantly “rescuing” your child, he will never learn to take care of himself or deal with frustration on his own. This can turn into a real problem as your children grow up as their concerns get bigger.
While you want to help where you can, be sure to also let your children have the space to figure some things out on their own as well.
12. Not Listening to Your Child
As parents, we like to think that we know more than our children do. (And usually, we do!) After all, we’ve lived longer and have more life experience. We’ve been their ages before, but they’ve never been ours.
Yet, the world is changing rapidly, and there are times we may not know as much as we think.
This is just one of the reasons why it’s so important to listen to your children. They may have a different perspective or experience you haven’t considered, or they may be going through something you have no idea about.
This doesn’t mean you have to do everything their way. However, they can provide additional helpful information you’ll want to have.
13. Believing Your Child is Never at Fault
Of course, there are always two sides to every story. While you will want to listen to your children and learn more about their experiences, you may not want to take every single thing they say at face value.
Our children are still learning and developing. Their perspective is incomplete and may be biased.
For this reason, it’s important to listen to your children, but also listen to their teachers, doctors, friends, or other adults if they bring up concerns. You don’t want to overlook the behavior that’s right in front of you.
14. Not Advocating for Your Child
Alternately, there may be times when you notice a concerning symptom or behavior that those around you don’t seem to take seriously. When this happens, you will want to be prepared to advocate for your child.
Sometimes doctors, teachers, and other adults get things wrong. It’s okay to speak up, get a second opinion, or politely insist that your child is taken seriously and given the appropriate accommodations to succeed when necessary.
15. Resorting to Bribery
Of all of the common mistakes parents make, this one has to be one of the most common–and one of the most unnecessary!
Let your children eat because they are hungry, not because they want dessert.
Teach your children to obey in the store because it’s the right thing to do, not because they want a toy.
While no one is denying that a little bribery works really, really well on occasion, it definitely should not be a way of life.
16. Spoiling Your Child with Too Much Stuff
It can be fun to buy your kids new toys and fun experiences. And if you can’t afford to do so, there is no problem with spoiling your kids a little on occasion.
However, if you are constantly giving your child everything they want as soon as they want it, you are depriving them of learning other essential life skills they need, such as patience, persistence, and gratitude.
There has to be a balance.
17. Prioritizing Your Child’s Comfort Over All Else
We all like to be comfortable, but when you prioritize comfort above all else, it can lead to real problems.
Dealing with discomfort is a life skill that children need as they grow and develop.
It is better for them to learn this life skill when they are still young and the stakes are low, rather than learning it the hard way later on when the stakes are much higher.
Obviously, there are plenty of times when it is great to help your children be comfortable. It just shouldn’t be your number one priority at all times.
18. Not Setting Appropriate Boundaries
For some parents, setting appropriate boundaries can be a big issue. Perhaps your parents didn’t have great boundaries with you, and now you are not exactly sure what that could look like.
Boundaries are not punishment. Your children need to know what is and is not acceptable.
Also, there should be some natural separation between parent and child, so you are not coming to them for all of your problems and putting adult problems and responsibilities on them as children, when you can help it.
19. Not Leading By Example
Have you ever heard the phrase, “More is taught than caught?” When it comes to parenting, this phrase is absolutely true.
You can tell your children what you expect of them, and you should. However, they will learn much more by following your example then your verbal lessons.
If you want your children to be kind, considerate, patient, or any other great virtue, it starts with you.
Personally, it is difficult for me to get upset with my children over their bad habits, when I know they learned them from me! It is something we all have to work on.
20. Not Taking Care of Yourself
Finally, while parenting can be time consuming and tiring, it is essential that you carve out sometime for yourself and your hobbies.
This will likely look very different in different stages of your life, but when possible, it should be non-negotiable.
Don’t forget who you were before kids, and don’t forget to fill up your cup so you have enough to pour into others.
20 Easy Children’s Bible Verses for Kids to Memorize
It’s important to not only teach our kids how to memorize Scripture but also, to show them how to put these children’s Bible verses to use.
That’s one of the reasons there’s so much value in memorizing Bible verses for kids.
When they’ve already stored children’s Bible verses in their memories, it makes your job easier as a parent when you’re teaching them how to live. They already know the why (i.e. God’s people treat others with kindness) so you can just show them the how (i.e. not screaming at your brother).
20 Easy Children’s Bible Verses for Kids to Memorize
25 Ways to Speak Your Spouse’s Love Language
Have you ever read The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman?
In this wildly popular book, Chapman explains that people generally best receive love in one of five ways. Love your spouse in the “wrong” way (for them) and they’ll be far less likely or able to receive it.
Love them in the “right” way (again, for them!) and they’re far more likely to feel loved and appreciated.
25 Ways to Speak Your Spouse’s Love Language
Brittany Ann is an ECPA bestselling author and founder of Equipping Godly Women and Monetize My Ministry. She’s also a Christian speaker, podcaster, and conference host. Her work has been featured on numerous TV, radio, and online ministries, including CBN, MSN, Christianity Today, Evangelical Alliance, Patheos, Crosswalk, and more.
