Do you consider yourself to be a stricter parent or a more permissive parent?
While we can all agree that we want to raise kind, smart, productive members of society, the way we go about raising these kids can vary wildly.
Because every parent is unique and every child is unique, rules and expectations that make sense for one family don’t always make sense for another. As a result, it’s up to each individual family to decide which rules, guidelines, and expectations make the most sense for them — even if they aren’t the norm.
Recently, on a popular social platform, one person asked,
“What ‘bad’ thing do you let your kids do?
For example, I let my kids draw on the bedroom walls. It makes them happy to express themselves and it makes me happy to see their art. They know they can’t draw on other walls so it feels good to let them have this little win.
I’m curious if other parents do similar things.”
1. I Let My Kids Stay Up Late
While many parents are strict about making sure their children keep a consistent bedtime routine, others are far more laid back, at least on occasion.
If the kids are genuinely not tired and they don’t have any important plans the next day, why not let them stay up as late as they want to?
For many children, a late bedtime can seem like a big treat, especially when it is not expected.
One person commented, “Although I’m generally kind of strict about bedtime. I’ll let them stay up when I can see that they genuinely aren’t tired.”
Another person said, “I let my daughter stay up late reading when she’s not tired. She’s still asleep within an hour of her 7:30 bedtime and thinks she got a special treat.”
2. I Let My Kids Argue Their Point
While some parents are sticklers about making sure that their children respect them and others, other parents really don’t mind a bit of talking back.
Honestly, both sides of this debate do have some merit. While we want to raise children who are kind, considerate, and respectful, it is also respectful to the children to consider their point of view as well.
Our children will not develop logical thinking skills for themselves if we expect them to simply follow us blindly for every little decision.
One person shared, “Talk back. They have to respect/follow my decision, but they won’t get in trouble for arguing their case.”
Someone else said, “We accept novel arguments with some sort of argumentative merit. We do not accept whining, personal attacks, or carrying on. If my kid gives me an actual thought out reason why my decision is bad, I thank him for his thoughtful contribution 100% of the time, even if I don’t agree.”
3. I Let My Kids Have Confidence in Their Personalities
Other parents are more than happy to let their children fully live out their own unique personalities, rather than expecting them to behave in a way that is more socially acceptable.
Again, there are pros and cons to this approach.
While it is great to nurture a child’s natural inclination, we do want to be careful to guide our children to become wonderful, considerate adults as well.
Personality traits like stubbornness, passion, and exuberance can be wonderful in the right context, but they can also cause problems if left unchecked and unrefined.
One person said she lets her kids, “Be shy. I remember when I was a kid adults (not my parents) used get soooo upset with me for being shy. My kids are allowed to take as long as they need to warm up to people.”
4. I Let My Kids Color on the Walls
While painting, scribbling, or drawing on the walls is generally frowned upon, some parents encourage their children to express their creativity freely.
After all, it is their home too. Why not let the kids at their own special touches?
One person shared, “I had an entire wall painted with chalkboard paint so my son could draw on it.”
5. I Let My Kids Curse
While some adults would never dream of letting their children use coarse language, others see no problem with it, as long as their kids follow some basic guidelines.
Hopefully, no one is encouraging their children to cuss out other human beings simply because they didn’t get their way.
Someone responded, “Curse within reason. I don’t punish my kids for using curse words correctly in certain settings.”
Another person shared, “We told our kids they were old enough to cuss when they were old enough to follow the rules of cussing. That means no cussing at someone, no slurs, and no cussing in public or around people who don’t want to hear that kind of language.”
6. I Let My Kids Have Unlimited Screen Time
Screen time, particularly time spent on social media, has been shown to have negative effects on our children’s development.
For this reason, many parents place strict boundaries and guidelines around exactly which apps and websites their kids are allowed to use and for how long. Not everyone finds these boundaries necessary or beneficial, however.
One person said, “My kids have ‘unlimited’ screen time, but if I’m noticing they’re spending too much time on them they are asked to put their iPads/switch to charge and go play outside or do brain break/exercise on YouTube if the weather doesn’t permit outside time.”
Another person commented, “I never policed screen time. They would rarely choose to use screens for too long at a time anyway but I let them learn to limit themselves.”
7. I Let My Kids Get Dirty Outside
Do you hate when your children bring mud into the house?
While it is not unreasonable to want your floors to stay clean, some parents are far more concerned with the state of their children’s childhood than the cleanliness of their home.
One person shared, “I let my kids run amuck outside. Seriously considering an outside shower in the renovation we are doing. But they are allowed to make all the messes and explore to their hearts’ content.”
Another person agreed, saying, “We have a creek and they come back from playing in it totally drenched and filthy.”
8. I Let My Kids Skip School
While most parents agree that school is important and children need to be in attendance, some parents are more strict about keeping their kids in school than others.
For example, some kids need to be puking with a high fever to even think about getting out of gym class, while other children have parents who will let them stay home for practically any reason at all.
A person said, “I let my kids skip school if something is happening we agree is dumb (ex: if the entire class lost recess the next day or will have silent lunch for talking).”
9. I Let My Kids Have Sweet Treats
With your children go crazy if they had unlimited access to sweets and desserts? Would they give themselves a stomachache from devouring all of their Halloween candy on the same day?
While some parents feel that need to strictly monitor how much sugar their children are getting, others see no reason to police what their children eat.
One person responded, “I don’t police treats. If she’s craving something sweet during the day, I’ll let her have something sweet.”
Another person shared, “I’ve never policed treats or snacks and my kid is now completely unbothered by them and usually will say no to any sweet snack like cake when we are out and about. Just occasionally she will want an ice cream or a packet of crisps.”
10. I Let My Kids Have Feelings
Times sure have changed since when we were growing up.
Years ago, it was common for parents to use phrases like “man up” or “I’ll give you something to cry about!”
These days, many parents are more understanding and accepting of their children varied and sometimes volatile emotions.
A person said, “She is allowed to have feelings. Even if I stand firm in saying no about something, she’s allowed to be sad and cry about it.”
11. I Let My Kids Eat in Front of the TV
For some families, gone are the days of sitting together as a family around the dinner table.
Some parents let their children eat in front of the TV, ipad, or phone, because it’s just easier that way, and they don’t see the harm.
Someone responded, “I let my daughter eat breakfast in front of the tv before I drop her off at school.”
Another person said, “I let my kid watch videos on my old phone at the table at breakfast.”
12. I Let My Kids Skip Their Homework
Have you or child ever cried or gotten into a fight due to the stress of getting each night’s homework done?
Some families side step this common problem completely.
While some parents are diligent about making sure their children get their homework done and done correctly, others don’t expect their children to do their homework at all.
One person said, “I don’t make my kids do their homework. They’re both straight A students.”
Another person said, “I don’t force my kids to do their homework, especially in elementary school.”
13. I Let My Kids Watch Scary Movies
For some children, watching scary movies is a surefire way to have a night full of nightmares, if they’re able to sleep at all.
On the other hand, some children seem completely unbothered by them and love watching as many scary movies as their parents will allow. In this case, it really depends on the family.
One person shared, “I let my kid watch scary movies. Nothing super gory. “It” is probably the most gory one she’s seen. She’s 10 and has seen lots of movies most would consider too scary for her age and she complains they’re not scary enough.”
14. I Let My Kids Roam the Neighborhood
Do your children have strict rules about where they are allowed to go or how long they are allowed to be there? Do they have phones or smart watches that allow you to track their every move so you always know where they are?
While these monitoring devices can certainly help put a parent’s mind at ease, other parents find them completely unnecessary and simply allow their kids to roam free.
One person said, “I encourage my kids to roam free. We live in a relatively secluded/out of the way suburban neighborhood with lots of other families with kids. On the weekends, we kick our kids outside for the afternoon to take a walk or find friends and I don’t arrange play dates for them. They know where their friend’s house is and they walk over and ring the doorbell.”
15. I Let My Kids Read Whatever They Want
Do you monitor what your children are reading to make sure that it is appropriate for their age or maturity level?
While many parents take a vested interest in the content their kids are consuming, others don’t bother monitoring their kids’ reading choices at all.
One person shared, “My middle and high schooler are allowed to read whatever they want. If it’s my middle schooler and an adult level book, I may ask out of curiosity.”
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Brittany Ann is an ECPA bestselling author and founder of Equipping Godly Women and Monetize My Ministry. She’s also a Christian speaker, podcaster, and conference host. Her work has been featured on numerous TV, radio, and online ministries, including CBN, MSN, Christianity Today, Evangelical Alliance, Patheos, Crosswalk, and more.
