10 Essential Conversations for a Strong and Happy Marriage
Embarking on the journey of marriage is a thrilling adventure, but every successful adventure requires a reliable roadmap. In the realm of matrimony, communication serves as the compass guiding couples through the highs and lows, helping them navigate the twists and turns that life inevitably throws their way.
While the romantic gestures and shared laughter are crucial, it’s the less glamorous, yet essential, conversations that form the bedrock of a resilient and joyous marriage. From finances to family planning, and from personal aspirations to conflict resolution, check out these 10 conversation starters to build understanding, trust, and intimacy between you and your spouse.
1. Your Hopes and Dreams for the Future
Where do you see yourself in 5 years? In 10 or 20? What about your spouse? Are your dreams the same or different? What would your perfect life look like? (Don’t be afraid to dream big!)
Chances are, you talked about these things before you got married, but maybe your answers have changed over the years. If so, it may be time to discuss these things again — just to make sure you’re on the same page.
2. How You’re Really Doing
While the minute your spouse walks in the door and asks “How was your day?” may not be the best time to unload all of your pent-up struggles and frustrations, you do need to make sure you check in with each other regularly to see how life is really going, beyond just the surface level stuff.
Are you generally happy and fulfilled, or are you stressed out, overworked, and underappreciated? How are you doing spiritually? What worries keep you up at night? Is there anything you need to share that you have been bottling up?
Conversations like these are definitely NOT easy. They have a huge potential to cause fights and hard feelings, and you often just want to avoid them. But, for the health of your marriage, you just have to be brave and push through. You’ll be better off because of it.
3. Any Weak Spots in the Relationship
Every relationship has its weak spots — what are yours? Maybe you haven’t made time together the priority you should and it’s causing more tension than you realize. Maybe your work schedule has placed an unfair burden on your family and you need to sit down and talk about it honestly. Maybe taking care of unruly children or aging parents is really putting a strain on your marriage.
If you want to build a strong marriage, you HAVE to be willing to weed out the less-than-pretty parts of your marriage, see them for what they really are, and find a way to deal with them that works in everyone’s best interest.
4. Stories from Your Past that Shape How You View the World Today
Did your parents’ reckless spending habits leave you with a fear of not having enough savings in the bank? Do memories of an abusive uncle make it difficult for you to truly let your guard down and be vulnerable? Did childhood teasing on the playground leave you feeling like you can never measure up?
Every one of us has stories from the past–both good and bad–that stick out to us and shape our lives and our reactions more than we realize. The good news is when we share them with our spouses, it allows us to understand each other better and see ourselves and our lives together in a more accurate light.
If you or your husband aren’t sure what your most telling stories are, that’s okay. Just start talking about memories you have of the past. Ask each other questions. Chances are, you and your spouse will make new connections neither of you had ever realized before.
5. How You Want to Be Remembered When You Die
The way you want to be remembered when you die says a lot about you, how you see yourself, and what things you value most. And, when you know how you and your spouse want to be remembered, you can help set each other up to be those people.
Does your spouse want to be remembered as someone who made a real difference? Make sure they have chances to actually make a difference. Even if it means you watch the children by yourself one night a week so they can do something meaningful in addition to taking care of the family, it will mean the world to them. And hopefully, they’ll return the favor!
6. Physical and Emotional Intimacy
Despite being bombarded with TV shows, movies, and social media that are full of sexual topics, most married couples do not talk about physical intimacy. And if you aren’t talking about it, it’s very possible you aren’t on the same page when it comes to being together.
These conversations may seem silly, but the person you married is not the same person they are today. This is especially true for parents with young kids or empty nesters. Part of the joy of being married to your spouse is to learn to connect with them physically and emotionally through every season of life.
So…talk about it. How do you feel close to your spouse? When do you feel the closest? Is there something you need to change or make an effort to do more often? You won’t know until you start talking.
7. Money and Finances
Here’s the truth, relationships work better when couples are honest and open about their finances. That means making the effort to talk with your husband or wife about how the spending, saving, and investing are going.
Each person in the relationship typically has a different view or background when it comes to money. Someone is usually the saver while the other one is the spender. Understanding these differences and how your spouse has grown up with money will help you both be on the same page about how to spend your money together.
Try scheduling a monthly coffee date to sit down and look at how your last month went with your finances and try to make a plan for the following month. You’ll be surprised how many arguments are avoided when you both have a goal and understanding of your hard-earned money.
8. Household Responsibilities
Having open conversations about household chores might not sound like the most exciting topic, but let me tell you, it’s worth it. Seriously, discussing who’s on dish duty or vacuum duty might seem mundane, but it’s a game-changer.
First off, it eliminates the guesswork. No more mind-reading attempts to figure out who should tackle what. Second, it’s a fantastic stress-buster. Sharing responsibilities means no one person feels like they’re carrying the entire domestic load. Plus, it’s an awesome teamwork exercise. When you’re both on the same page about who does what, life just runs smoother. It’s not just about chores; it’s about feeling heard and respected. So, if you want a happy home, chat it out, divvy it up, and watch the love grow right alongside those neatly folded laundry piles.
9. Parenting
Having open and honest conversations about parenting is like a secret sauce for keeping couples happy and connected. It’s not just about figuring out who changes the diapers or gets up for the 2 a.m. feedings, but it’s about understanding each other’s parenting styles, expectations, and fears.
When couples communicate about how they want to raise their kids, they build a strong foundation of trust and teamwork. It’s like having a parenting playbook that both partners contribute to and can refer back to when things get chaotic. Plus, talking about parenting is a great way to share the joys and challenges of raising little humans, creating a bond that goes beyond just being romantic partners.
10. Holiday Traditions & Expectations
Sharing and discussing holiday traditions and expectations with your significant other can be a game-changer for a happy and stress-free festive season. When you both open up about your cherished traditions, you’re not just sharing memories but also creating new ones together. Knowing each other’s expectations helps avoid potential pitfalls and ensures you’re on the same festive wavelength.
From how you decorate the tree to whether you’re all about cozy nights in or adventurous outings, talking it out sets the stage for a holiday season that’s not only joyful but also uniquely yours as a couple. So, grab some hot cocoa, cozy up, and dive into those conversations—because building a holiday bliss is all about sharing the warmth with the one you love.
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