There’s a quote that’s been stuck, rolling around inside of my head, ever since I first heard it.
It’s by motivational speaker Jim Rohn and it says, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
Of course, that’s what the Bible has been saying for years.
In verses like Proverbs 13:20, which states “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm” and 1 Corinthians 15:33, which states “Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.'”
So let me ask you: Who are the five people you spend the most time with? And furthermore, what are they like? (seriously, take a minute. list them out.)
- Are they strong Christians, completely devoted to following God no matter the cost? Or are they pretty lukewarm and lackadaisical in their faith, if they believe at all?
- Do they have strong, Godly marriages and encourage you to do the same? Or are they generally disrespectful, discontent, and selfish?
- How do they raise their children? Are they kind, loving parents who work hard to raise their children in the faith? Or do they teach and allow things that you wouldn’t want your children to be around?
Now please understand — I totally get that no one is perfect. We all have room for improvement and you definitely don’t need to go ditch all of your friends just because they aren’t “up to your standards.” You definitely need Christian friends AND non-Christian friends in your life.
BUT – just thinking of the people you spend the most time with. What are they like? And how are they influencing you to be the same?
Choosing Friends on Purpose
So, a few years ago, when I first heard this quote, I stopped to evaluate: Who were the people I spent the most time around? What did we like to do together?
Thankfully, I was pleased to find that all of my friends were pretty awesome. They are strong, smart Christian women who love God and love their families and seek to better themselves every day.
The problem for me was that I simply didn’t have enough of them. And I didn’t see them nearly often enough. So I set out to change that.
If you’re surrounded by people who constantly bring you down, I’d definitely recommend this article:
How to Deal With Toxic Family Members Biblically
Otherwise, read on for 6 ways to find more Christian friends!
6 Ways to Find More Godly Friends
1. Go Where the People Are
This first suggestion may seem obvious, but unfortunately it’s also widely overlooked: If you want to make more friends – you have to go where people are.
Sure, it may be easier and less intimidating to just stay home when you don’t know where to go or what to do, or to go to the same old places you’ve always gone, but there are SO many options you can explore!
For example, you could go to:
- A Bible study
- The park
- The library
- A book club
- The gym
- A mommy and me class
- Sports practice with your kids
- Farmers markets
- A full or part-time job
- A MOPS group
- A local coffee shop
- A neighborhood get-together
- An outreach event at a different church
- Free community events in your area
One doesn’t work out? No problem. There are plenty more where that came from. Just go right on down the list until you find something that clicks.
Don’t know where to find these things in your area? Google it. Seriously. You never know what you will find until you look.
* Tried to make friends at church but your church is full of cliques? Go here: How to Make Friends When Your Church is Full of Cliques
2. Get Involved
Of course, simply going to these places isn’t enough (unfortunately). You also have to get involved and get to know people. And the BEST way I’ve found to get involved and start getting to know people is simply to sign up or volunteer for things.
For example, you could:
- Join a team or committee at church (ask around to see what opportunities are available)
- Volunteer to help with special church outreach initiatives, like collecting coats, backpacks or school supplies, or by stuffing shoe boxes for Operation Christmas Child.
- Volunteer in your child’s classroom, join the PTA, or volunteer in some other capacity at your child’s school (schools can always use volunteers!)
- Join a group at the library or take your little ones to story time at the same time each week
- Join a class at the gym instead of working out by yourself
- Volunteer at the hospital or a nursing home in your area
- Google “Volunteer opportunities + your city” (if you live in a good sized city, you should find a bunch!)
Volunteering is a great way to make a real difference in your community AND also meet some really awesome people!
3. Reach Out
Once you start to meet more people and you find a few you think would make awesome friends, it’s time to reach out and get intentional. Thankfully, this really doesn’t have to be as scary as it seems. If you’ve chosen some great people, then they’re probably super nice and would love to be friends with you.
Here’s how to make that happen:
- Find a good reason to get their phone number or email address. For example, maybe you take some awesome pictures of your volunteer activity and you offer to forward them to your friend. Most people won’t find this weird if you’ve already started building a friendship or if you have a good reason.
- If you aren’t brave enough to ask for a phone number, try to find them on Facebook at least. Most people have SO many friends on Facebook these days, they really won’t mind having one more. And this gives you a very laid-back way to get to know them more and chat on occasion.
- Invite them to do something fun. Maybe there’s a new movie coming out or a new canvas painting place you’ve been dying to try. Ask if they’d like to come too. Chances are, they’d be flattered.
- Get the kids together for a play date. Do you both have kids about the same age? Get them together for a play date and enjoy some quality mom time too.
And don’t worry if you have to invite people a couple of times before they take you up on your offer. People are busy! It may not be because they don’t want to hang out with you. They may simply not have the time or the money right then, or they may not be interested in that particular activity.
Simply try again later with a different activity. And if they still aren’t interested – no big deal. There are PLENTY of people out there. This friend simply wasn’t the right choice for you.
4. Meet Friends of Friends
Still don’t know anyone? Why not ask your current friends to help you expand your horizons? Chances are they know some people and would happy to introduce or include you. You could even arrange some kind of fun event where lots of women can bring their friends and all get to know each other.
- A park or zoo trip
- A toy/clothing swap
- A book club or Bible study
- A big freezer cooking day
- Birthday, graduation or holiday parties
- A Norwex, Young Living, Lularoe or Osborne books party (Anyone selling things like these would LOVE to help you throw a party because it’s a win-win. More income for them — more potential friends for you!)
5. Find Community Online
While nothing beats having real life friends you can get together with anytime, thanks to the Internet, people all over the world are more accessible than ever before. Sure, you may not be able to have them over physically, but with online video chat, it’s a pretty close second.
Plus, it’s a lot easier to find people with the same interests or struggles as you. For example, you might want to seek out other women who love essential oils, who have kids the same ages as yours, who struggle with depression, who are dealing with the loss of a child, who love running, who love baking… or anything else you can think of! The options are endless!
Here are a few places you can look:
- The Equipping Godly Women Facebook Page
- Baby Center
- Facebook groups (Do an search by interest, or check out which groups your friends are already in)
And don’t forget to join the Equipping Godly Women community if you haven’t already!
6. Connect with Old Friends
Of course, while making new friends is always awesome, sometimes the answer is as simple as connecting with people you already know.
Do you have any friends from grade school, high school or college that you’ve lost touch with? What about friends from a past job, volunteer experience or interest-based group?
Oftentimes you can find people through a simple Facebook search, by looking through friends of friends, or even calling an old phone number if their parents still live in the same house!
Who are the five people you spend the most time with? Where did you meet them?