Have you ever read The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman? I’m guessing that you probably have. The book was so popular a few years ago that the author went on to publish several additional versions including The 5 Love Languages of Children
, The 5 Love Languages Military Edition,
and The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace
.
*Thanks to 365tests.com for sponsoring this post. This post also contains affiliate links. Please see my full disclosure statement for details.
In The 5 Love Languages, Chapman explains that people generally best receive love in one of five ways:
- Words of Encouragement
- Acts of Service
- Quality Time
- Physical Touch
- Gift Giving
Now, it is possible to favor more than one way, but Chapman’s general idea is that most people prefer certain ways of showing and receiving love over the others.
*Related: 24 Ways to Build Your Husband Up
So, What’s Your Love Language?
For some people, figuring out their love language is pretty easy. You can just look at the options and know “Yes! That’s what makes me feel loved” or “Meh… I don’t care about that one so much…”
For others, though, figuring it out can be a little more tricky–especially if you’ve never thought about it before.
If you aren’t sure what your love language is or you’d like to figure out what your spouse’s love language is, you can find out by taking this fun love language quiz by 365tests.com. I took it and it was spot on.
(By the way, it’s free, you don’t have to give an email address, and you get your results right away–all wins in my book).
Discover Your Love Language Now
Why Your Love Language Matters
Of course, while finding out your love language is interesting (who doesn’t like quizzes??), the real reason you should know yours (and your spouse’s) is because it can help your marriage as well. It’s true. (And who wouldn’t want to help make their marriage exciting again?)
By figuring out the what your spouse’s love language is, you can stop focusing so much on tasks that he doesn’t appreciate so much and start focusing more on tasks that he does.
For example, I love quality time (attention!) and physical touch, but I really don’t care about gifts that much. So, for me, when my husband asks me about blogging or we snuggle up to sleep at night, I feel very loved. But when people send me birthday cards, I recycle them almost immediately. (Sorry! I do!)
If your spouse’s love languages are the same as yours–you probably have it pretty easy. You probably naturally do the things that most make your spouse feel loved.
But if your spouse’s love languages are different than yours, you have to try a little harder. Instead of doing the things that come most naturally to you, you might have to step out of your comfort zone a bit to do things that don’t mean much to you–but that mean the world to him.
Not sure how to speak your spouse’s love language? Here are some ideas!
Words of Encouragement
1. Tell your spouse you love him.
2. Congratulate him on his accomplishments–get specific!
3. Praise his best qualities (especially in front of other people).
4. Thank your spouse for working hard for your family.
5. Tell him you still find him sexy after all these years.
Acts of Service
1. Cook his favorite dinner.
2. Take the kids shopping so he can enjoy some peace and quiet.
3. Make sure the house is all clean before he comes home.
4. Take his car for an oil change.
5. Help him find things he’s lost.
*See Also: 5 Powerful Prayers Every Wife Should Pray Over Her Husband
Quality Time
1. Stop multi-tasking and give him your full attention. Have a great conversation!
2. Watch football together (or whatever sport he likes).
3. Run your errands together.
4. Have a regular date night. It can be hard to find time for romance when your children are little but here are some great ideas.
5. Eat dinner together with the TV off.
Physical Touch
1. Kiss him before he leaves for work.
2. Give him a massage.
3. Hold hands while driving.
4. Snuggle on the couch to watch a movie.
5. Randomly grab his butt when you walk by him.
*Related: 5 Christian Sex Tips for a Stronger, Healthier Marriage
Gift Giving
1. Buy him a card “just because.”
2. Buy him his favorite snacks from the grocery store.
3. Buy him a tool or gadget he’s had his eye on.
4. Never forget his birthday, anniversary, Valentine’s Day or other gift-giving occasion.
5. Bring him a souvenir anytime you take a trip.
This isn’t to say that we can’t all appreciate anything from this list. But when you love your spouse according to his love language, your love gets through that much more!
What is your love language? What is your spouse’s love language? Are they the same or different?
For more information about love languages and how to love your spouse in a way that they will best respond to, be sure to check out The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman on Amazon!
Awesome post! I pinned it so I can look back once I force Justin to take the love language test xD
lol at “force him to.” Love at its finest! 🙂 If you haven’t read the book, you should. It’s really good!
This is an encouraging post, Brittany. I’m pinning this and tweeting it too! I so need the reminder to focus on getting out of MY comfort zone to communicate love to my spouse in a way that’s meaningful to him. His love languages are acts of service and words of affirmation, and I’m not so great at service! Mine is quality time.
Oooh, different ones, huh? That makes it more difficult! It’s good that you know what both of yours are though! And now you have some more ideas for loving him best 🙂
This is a practical reminder that I need to do better bringing little things to my love who LOVES to get gifts.
Glad I could help 🙂 What sorts of things does he like getting? (I think we could all use some ideas if you have them!)
This is a fantastic post. We love The 5 Love Languages, but sometimes it’s hard to know what little things to do when your languages are different. Love this. Pinned!
Thanks, Holly! What are your love languages, if you don’t mind sharing?
Act of Service and Words of Affirmation. My husband is Physical Touch and Acts of Service. Both of my kids are Quality Time and Receiving Gifts. We cover the whole range. 🙂
Wow, no kidding! lol. Good thing I gave a few tips for each instead of focusing on just one or two! Everyone in our family is quality time and physical touch!
Great post! I really do enjoy this book. My copy is falling apart. I love the ideas that you give that I can implement.
I am with you on recycling my birthday cards! Not my love language. Going to share this post on my fb..
Thanks, Lydia! I really appreciate that. And good to know that I’m not the only one who recycles them right away. I feel bad, but… what else am I goign to do with them? lol. Is it bad that I don’t know?
I loved this book. We just listened to this on audiobook a few weeks ago when we took a long car trip, but we also own the book.
Unfortunately, we speak different love languages. I am Quality Time/Acts of Service, he is Physical Touch/Quality Time. Luckily we share the QT, but I have realized you really need to make the effort to speak to them in their primary language!
Physical touch is actually the absolute lowest on mine, so it has been a real challenge that has caused problems. However, I am hoping I can be the best significant other as I can be with prayer and determination!
Oooh, that’s hard when his highest is your lowest! I’m very thankful my husband and I have the sames ones–but even that can be hard because we don’t always express them in the same ways!
Great ideas! My husband is physical touch (wasn’t a shock to find that out!) and I am quality time. It really does make a difference when we speak each other’s language!
lol! I love how you say it wasn’t a shock. Physical touch is my son’s love language, and yep! It is very obvious!
GREAT ideas for meeting your spouse where he needs it most, especially as we head into the New Year. You were one of the top posts last week at the Saturday Soiree Blog Party and you’re featured this week! Thank you so much for sharing your heart with us and I hope you’ll stop by again this week!
Really? Awesome! Your link-up happens at a convenient time for me–I’m usually online when I get your email 🙂 Thanks so much, I’ll be sure to swing by later tonight!
this is such an awesome post! Been a fan of the love languages since a coworker told me about it last year. It is so cool to see the five different ones laid out here with tangible examples of how to use them! My boyfriend is a words of encouragement kind of guy, so I’m definitely going to try encouraging him in front of others more.
Yes, I love that book too! Definitely a classic! Hope the examples were helpful–it can be especially tricky if you and your boyfriend have different love languages.
Great post. Let me add some additional comments from a man’s point of view:
The Bible says to speak to each other only in edifying words. Now the word edify from the Greek m”eans to build up, reinforce or strengthen as opposed to tearing him down. Remember inside that big rough tough man is a little boy whose feelings are CRUSHED when you use harsh words at him.
Here is a life lesson to illustrate that. From my practice, the number one complaint men give to me about their wives is that women don’t make it safe for men to tell them the truth especially if that truth can in any way be construed as critique of the woman. Typically women react very defensively and angrily, yelling, name calling, crying, locking him out of the bedroom or the emotionally abusive practice giving him the “SILENT TREATMENT. The goal is to teach that no good man to never ever critique her again. Most men learn the lesson all too well and SEETHE IN SILENCE at the unfairness of it. Meanwhile she reserves the ABSOLUTE right to critique him at will. What you have done is to effectively destroy the intimacy between the two of you.
The appropriate response is to listen is to listen to his complaint and ask him in what way can I make this better. Have a little self confidence and don’t beat up on him in revenge for lodging a complaint about you.
Don’t ever put him down for his sexuality. It would be like him putting you down for having periods. The same testosterone that would cause him to lay down his life to protect you is the same thing that drives his sexuality. It is how God made us so if you have a problem with that take it up with God. I Cor 7 says that neither the husband or the wife should deprive each other of sexual relief.
Men are visually turned on so satisfy his need for visual stimulation by investing in quality lacy frillie lingerie with color. The lace patterns on your lingerie mimic the lace patterns on the wedding dress and the decorations on the wedding cake.
Churches never teach all the sex positive messages from the Bible. Thanks for letting me share.
Great tips! I have to admit, I’m a crier. I don’t mean to! I try not to! But… definitely always have been.
I love this, Brittany thank you for sharing.
Thanks, Mary!
There’s even a single edition to the Love Lanuages. I have yet to read it but it’s on my self. I love the concept he introduces because I never realized that people do have different ways in which they want to be loved or interrupt what love is. I had my boyfriend take the quiz and it turns out we’re similar which does make it a lot easier. However every now and then I like trying different ways of showing him I love him and the different styles even if it’s not the primary way he wants to be loved. So I’m defintely taking some of these ideas.
Yes! There is no need to limit yourself needlessly, but it is important to make sure you’re hitting the most important ones–whatever those are!
This is such a great list and very important for any marriage! Thanks for sharing and inspiring others!
Thanks, Jehava!