Need tips or advice for sex in Christian marriage? You’re in luck. Today Gina from GinaMPoirier.com is sharing 5 of her best Christian sex tips to help you build a stronger, healthier Christian marriage!
My husband and I often find ourselves talking with other couples about our sex lives.
I blame him, because he’s a dude who is unabashed about his enjoyment of it. He likes to talk about it and has no hesitation bringing it up. ?
However, as shy as I can be about talking about sex in Christian marriage, it’s a huge deal!
Sex in Christian marriage might seem complicated. Some may even think it taboo. But Biblical marriage ALSO includes having sex, and few topics create more heartache when not addressed.
We need to talk about sex in Christian marriages to be able to ask real questions. Openly talking about Christian sex advice, both as a couple and with other Christian couples, allows us to help one another where needed.
As my husband puts it, sex can be a barometer for your relationship’s health.
If sex in Christian marriage isn’t running smoothly, there are typically some other problems as well. I have yet to find anyone who has a strong, healthy Christian marriage who isn’t, uh, “doing it” in a healthy way.
Over the 11 years since we exchanged our vows, we’ve received and later given quite a bit of Christian sex advice.
If we could condense it all and share it with newlyweds or a couple struggling with their sexual relationship, here are five Christian sex tips for Christian couples we’d share:
But first…
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I’ve been following Sheila’s blog for some time now and I can tell you – she gives really fantastic Christian sex advice in a way that’s down-to-earth, relatable and really funny. If your Biblical marriage isn’t as close as you’d like it to be — this course will absolutely help snag several sex tips for Christian couples!
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5 Tips For Better Sex in Christian Marriage
1. Consistency Cultivates Intimacy
I used to wonder how often couples are supposed to have sex in a Christian marriage. Weekly? Twice weekly? Daily? Who knows?
It’s not a bad question because it is really difficult to have true intimacy in a Christian marriage without the physical component. Feeling distant may be a sign that you need to do it more.
There’s no magic number, however. Rather than worry about an exact frequency, try to be generally consistent, whatever that looks like in your relationship. A newlywed couple in their twenties with no kids is going to have a much different dynamic than a more seasoned couple. But both have the same need for consistency.
There can be a lot of reasons why you aren’t in the mood to have sex: pregnancy, babies, health and schedules, to name a few. All I have to say is that you prioritize what’s important. And sex in Christian marriage is important.
Related Reading: Four Reasons You’re Never In the Mood (and how to fix it!)
2. Quickies Are Okay Too!
Do you feel like every time you get physically intimate it has to be fireworks? If so, you’re going to set yourself up for disappointment.
Here is another Christian marriage intimacy idea worth noting: Quickies are okay!
Because sometimes, something is better than nothing.
This Christian sex tip can be a game-changer, particularly if you have one person in the relationship who has a stronger desire for sex than the other (hmm…I think that’s pretty much the case for every couple).
It’s okay from time to time to meet one partner’s physical needs without having a deep emotional connection.
Most of the time it’s the man who has the stronger physical need. So if you’re the wife of a man with a stronger sex drive and sometimes you just aren’t there, permit yourselves to do something quick. While you don’t want to make this the only way you have sex, it is a way to help him feel loved even on those days when you’re completely exhausted and there’s no other way it’s going to work.
Related post: 7 Lies Christian Women Believe About Sex
3. Get Adventurous from Time to Time
Despite the last Christian marriage intimacy idea being a great one, doing quickies all the time would be really lame and boring.
That’s why another great piece of Christian sex advice for married couples is: it’s also important to get adventurous.
What that means is entirely up to you, but some ideas to mix up sex in Christian marriage include atmosphere, attire, location and yes, position.
I won’t be any more explicit than that, but consider some of your favorite memories as a couple. Do they include your sex life?
If not, why not plan to make some new memories soon!
Christian sex tips for married couples can be as easy as keeping it exciting by scheming, experimenting and exploring together. No longer about how long you’ve been married, plan dates, trips and romantic evenings at home together with this in mind.
**Note: Getting adventurous should absolutely NOT involve porn. This article shares why (and what to do about it if your husband does): Help! My Husband Watches Porn! (Here’s How to Respond)
4. Don’t Forget to Laugh
I wish I would have had this Christian sex advice for married couples. If there’s one thing that I didn’t expect as a newlywed, it’s that sex is often messy and hilarious!
One of the reasons it creates intimacy is because you have literally nothing to hide from the other person. It’s all out there. But that doesn’t mean you have to take yourselves too seriously. When something awkward happens, laugh about it together.
One caveat, however: make sure neither of you feels like you’re being laughed at rather than with. Sex can bring out a lot of insecurities. You know your dynamic best, so laugh, but be sensitive.
*Related Post: 10 Ways to Make Your Marriage Fun Again
5. Talk about It, But NOT When You’re in the Middle of It
So how do you make all of these Christian sex tips work in your relationship? You have to talk about sex—but not while you’re in the middle of it. It’s a total mood-killer. Plus, you’re literally in the most vulnerable position you can be, so the wrong words can hurt exponentially more, especially if you have a sexual past that still haunts you. Keep talk during sex positive, and save the heavy stuff for later.
Having a productive conversation about your sex life needs to happen in an atmosphere that is emotionally safe. Be honest about your needs, don’t judge and seek to be a great listener.
Not sure where to start the conversation? There are tons of books to get you thinking — and talking.
A few popular ones include: The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts and Intended for Pleasure: Sex Technique and Sexual Fulfillment in Christian Marriage.
And don’t forget — If you want to experience a truly intimate relationship, with the closeness you crave, you really need to check out the Boost Your Libido course by Sheila Wray Gregoire from ToLoveHonorandVacumm.
Whether your sex life needs a LOT of work or it could simply use a little extra spark — You’ll love these Christian sex tips for married couples!
Sheila shares tons of funny, fantastic Christian marriage sex advice to help you overcome constant tiredness, overpacked schedules, hurts and hang-ups, and even hormonal imbalances.
I’ve been following Sheila’s blog for some time now and I can tell you – she gives really fantastic Christian marriage sex advice in a way that’s down-to-earth, relatable and really funny. If your Biblical marriage isn’t as close as you’d like it to be — this course will absolutely help!
Are you comfortable talking about sex in Christian marriage? Which one of these Christian sex tips do you think would help you most? Do you have any Christian marriage sex advice to share with others?
Guest post by Gina of GinaMPoirier.com.
Gina is a happily married mom of three, stress management coach and writer who helps overwhelmed, exhausted moms find peace and purpose in the everyday. Check out free resources for Christian moms at ginampoirier.com.
This was really helpful! I think it’s good for Christian women to talk about sex, because, unfortunately in our “over-sexed” culture, it can be very taboo or awkward. I like giving permission to have quickies. I totally agree that something is better than nothing. I am definitely one of those who is hardly “in the mood.” I can definitely tell in our relationship when we have gone too long without it. Sometimes I will try to sit and talk with my husband about what is “wrong” and try to get him to open up… And it’s like pulling teeth! Then we have sex, and he’s a new man! I have finally realized that I need to just skip the talking and go straight to the bed! 🙂
But I have so learned that “fake it til you make it” is so true!! I will often NOT be in the mood, but go ahead and get the process going, and eventually I’m into it as much as he is. If I really waited until I wanted it every time, it would be like one day a month lol!! Thank you for sharing!
LOL “skip the talking and go straight to bed” — that is sooooo true! My husband would nod in approval
Are different types of oral sex sinful?
This is the BEST article that talks about what’s okay/not okay for Christians: https://arabahjoy.com/christian-sex-guide/ I bet it will help!
Modern woman believe the lies the church teaches about sex . The church teaches no ,no,no and faile to teach to true of mariaged sex . Woman confided in each other to confirm they all feel the same way. This is satin trick . God create equal sex drives only to be distorted by thousand of year of church dogma. Read Song of Solomon . The truth is sex in side of marriage was meant to be intimate bonding experience for both men and woman. What a shame we fail to read the Bible and believe what it says. We believe science lol
If you are happy for your husband to have him discuss your sex life with other couples then fine. But please tell me he wouldn’t just go ahead and open up about your private moments if you wanted to keep them private. Also he would have to understand those other couples and whether they would want to hear it.
So, what do you do if your husband of many years is fixated on selfish sex? There is zero non-sexual touch or affection, (unless it is for public display, like putting his arm around me in church because he is a deacon and that looks good to others in the church). His default setting in his dealings with me much of the time is harsh. He mostly ignores me and wastes a minimum of his effort on communication. He leaves to help others or do work at the church so we spend very little time together. He belittles me when he gets the chance, but laughs it off as a “joke”. Any “foreplay” is strictly focused on things he enjoys (even if I am less-than-fond of it, and have told him so, bluntly, countless times), and once he gets his jollies, he rolls over and says “well what do you want me to do for you?”. Really, after 35 years, you haven’t bothered to figure anything out (despite my trying to tell you countless times)? Wow, don’t trouble yourself, gee thanks…. Lovely to know that I am, quite literally, an afterthought, but he asked, so I think in his mind that lets him off the hook.
I have a genuine NEED to be treated tenderly, considerately, with genuine affection, and be worthy of touch other than being crudely groped immediately prior to sex. I am lonely, feel solely responsible for maintaining this marriage, and I am oh-so-tired of feeling like I stupidly sold myself into unpaid servitude and whoredom when I said “I do”.
Why is it that the husbands’ NEED for sex (and plenty of it!) is consistently emphasized in articles on Christian marriage? 1 Cor 7:5 says “Do not deprive ONE ANOTHER”. Doesn’t this indicate that one spouse’s needs do not take a higher priority than the other’s? What if the other spouse has a NEED to be treated like they are actually loved, rather than to be treated as a prostitute/receptacle and general household appliance? There are also verses that direct Christian men to love their wives (I don’t think this solely refers to sex!), not to deal harshly with their wives, to have knowledge regarding their wives, and treat her as the weaker vessel. When I try to discuss my needs, he rolls his eyes derisively. Being a “needy woman” is bad by today’s standards and somehow illegitimate. I try very hard not to cry when he can see me, because he becomes angry and contemptuous.
Why are Christian men never admonished with these verses to ensure they are also Biblically loving their spouses? Don’t men have an equally joint responsibility to improve the conditions in their marriage? Sex without affection, consideration, tenderness, and practical actions of love is an awful and debasing thing. Funny how when I google “affection in Christian marriage” the results almost exclusively return with a man’s RIGHT to and need for sex (which is Biblical), but there is usually NOTHING on a woman’s equal Biblical rights to genuine, real love apart from her duty to service her husband. Plenty of exhortation to Christian wives, and to the husbands …… crickets.
I pray daily that God will help me to forgive him, help me to have a Christ-like attitude, help me overcome the temptation to bitterness, help me persevere, and that He would redeem this mess and use it for His plan, purpose, and glory. But I would also really like to see a level playing field in Christian commentary circles with regard to LOVE ONE ANOTHER, and that, yes, this means your wife too.
He tells other people that he loves me, but it sure doesn’t seem remotely like love to me.
Marah, thanks for sharing your experience. I believe there is a lot of women living in same situations. You deserve to be loved and treated with tenderness. Please seek counseling and set your bar higher. You are worthy and deserve to enjoy good sex.
My husband and I have been married for 20 years. We are both in our 50’s and have just become empty nesters. I am 4 years older than my husband and have a hard time keeping up with his sex drive. I am physically attracted to his as he is me but sometimes Im just not in the mood. I NEVER turn him down when he wants to but sometimes I can not climax and he thinks Im not attracted to him anymore. We have sex about 3-4 days a week. How can I tell him that love is much bigger than having an orgasm? He is a good husband and loves me very much but why does it all have to be about SEX? Men and woman are so different. Women can be happy just cuddling, men not so much. Sometimes he hurts me by telling me he thinks of other women. Ouch! He is a Christian and reads his bible daily, why is he such a jerk sometimes?
Hi my name is Rachel. I’m really struggling right now cause I’ve always have had a stronger sex drive than my husband and I’ve been hurt a lot in the past. What do I do to get my husband in the mood? Does anyone relate?