How Do I Show Respect When My Husband is a Jerk?

Just because your husband is a jerk doesn’t mean you aren’t called to respect him. Here’s how to respect your jerk husband – without being a doormat.

 How Do I Show Respect When My Husband is a Jerk?I don’t know about you, but respect has never come easily to me.

I’m fairly traditional and feminine (I’m not a tomboy by any means), but I am also strong, stubborn, opinionated, and self-centered at times. I’m a perfectionist, and I like to have things done a certain way.

It’s not my husband’s fault I’m not very good at respecting him. He’s a great guy! He definitely deserves all the respect I am called to give him. It’s my fault alone.


Unfortunately, for some of you, your situation may be different. Maybe you’re married to a man who truly makes respecting him difficult. Maybe your husband is a jerk.

Maybe he talks down to you, criticizes you or makes you feel inferior. Maybe he gets angry more often than he should, goes out with his friends more often than you’d like, watches porn, or simply doesn’t pay attention to you like he should.

Maybe he checked out emotionally years ago. Maybe he’s rude, forgetful, or you don’t feel like you can trust him with even the simplest of tasks, much less your heart. Maybe you feel more like roommates than lovers.

Maybe you’re in an unequally yoked marriage where he isn’t a believer, and he’s making it very difficult for you to grow in faith with the rude things he says about Christianity and about you for believing in it.


Let me be clear: I am NOT talking about a husband who is physically or emotionally abusive–(I address abuse and divorce here)–but when your mostly loving, caring husband is a jerk sometimes.


Maybe he realizes it, maybe he doesn’t. Maybe he has hurts and issues he’s dealing with under the surface, and they’re quickly becoming your issues too.

As a Christian wife, you know you are called to be respectful — even when your husband is a jerk — but how do you respect someone like that??


*This article contains affiliate links, which means if you make a purchase I may make a small commission at no additional cost to you. This helps cover the many costs of running this site and allows me to help provide for my growing family. Thank you!


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Have you ever wondered, What is God’s will for my marriage? or What would God want me to do in this situation with my husband? Or maybe, What does it mean to respect my husband? I think all wives have at some point!

If so, I’d love for you to check out my brand new book, Follow God’s Will: Biblical Guidelines for Everyday Life, along with the Follow God’s Will companion workbook.

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  • How do I apply the Bible’s instructions to my life today?
  • Where is God calling me personally?
  • How can I make a difference right where I am?
  • How should I navigate relationships with those who think, act, or believe differently than I do?
  • And so many more!

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1. Understand the True Meaning of Respect


Merriam Webster defines respect as “a feeling or understanding that someone or something is important, serious, etc., and should be treated in an appropriate way.”


Respect doesn’t mean you become a doormat, that you praise your husband in an over-the-top ridiculous way or that you can never have an opinion on anything. Respect simply means honoring the dignity of the other person–and recognizing their inherent worth as a human being created by God. 

Respecting your husband does NOT mean making yourself unimportant or insignificant or completely excusing his behavior when your husband is a jerk and walks all over you.

It means that you don’t treat him like he’s inferior, like he’s a child, or like his opinions and preferences don’t matter. You value him and treat him honorably. You view your husband as God views him–as a dearly beloved child of God–and you act like it.


Love & Respect BookBy the way… One book that has REALLY helped me learn how to respect my husband more is “Love and Respect” by Emerson Eggerichs. In fact, I’ve actually read it quite a few times now, and taken lots of notes.

(And taped those notes on my wall so I would see them every day and remember to actually DO them…)

It really opened my eyes to what men (in general) mean what they say “Respect” and gave me LOTS of ideas for very practical action steps I could take to be more respectful in my own marriage. Turns out, what I thought respect looked like and what my husband actually needs from me were totally different, and I was doing tons of disrespectful things without even realizing it or meaning to. (Yikes!)

If you also struggle with understand what it means to respect your husband and how you can go about that in a practical way, I highly, highly recommend this book! There’s even a workbook that goes along with it too, for those of you who are committed to change.

This book really helped me, and I bet it would really help you too.


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Oh, and I HAVE to mention–I LOVE the definition of respect Kristi shares in her article, How Submission Saved My Marriage. I literally laughed out loud and shared it with my husband. Though he didn’t find it quite as funny as I did.


*See Also: What Strong Christian Women Need to Know About Submission


2. Understand that Respect is a Command (Even When Your Husband is a Jerk)


Wouldn’t it be great if we could all just pick and choose which parts of the Bible we want to follow and ignore the rest? Well, it doesn’t work like that. When God commands us to do something, He expects us to listen. And in Ephesians chapter 5, God commands women to respect their husbands.


“Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.” –Ephesians 5:33


It doesn’t say “if he deserves it.” It doesn’t say “after he earns it.” It doesn’t say “if you feel like it.” It doesn’t say “if he treats you right.”

It says “the wife must see to it.” In other words, do it. Whether your husband is a jerk or he’s the sweetest man on Earth – YOU still have the responsibility to be the wife God created you to be.


Now, yes, it does say that the husband is supposed to love his wife as well. And if both the husband and the wife held up their end of the deal–respect would be easy! BUT you aren’t responsible for what your husband does; you’re responsible for you. And God commands YOU to be respectful.


*Related: 3 Ways to Fight For Your Marriage When You’re Busy and Exhausted


3. Put that Respect into Action (i.e. No More Thinking ” My Husband is a Jerk”)


Waiting until you feel like respecting your husband before you start acting like it? You may be waiting a while. Whether your husband is a jerk or a great guy, the way we feel about people is influenced in large part by the way that we treat them, talk about them, and even think about them.

So if you want to feel respectful to your husband, start with your own thoughts and actions first.


Now, every husband will feel respected in a slightly different way, so what works for one husband may not work for yours, but here are a few ideas to get you started thinking on how to build your husband up:

  • Compliment him
  • Show appreciation
  • Do things his way without a fight
  • Ask for his opinion or advice
  • Focus on the positive
  • Build him up in front of others (even if he’s not around)
  • Be intimate with him
  • Give him the benefit of the doubt
  • Speak in a loving tone
  • Treat him as an equal, not a child
  • Back him up in front of the children
  • Avoid nagging and complaining
  • Pick up things he likes at the grocery store

Related: 101 Ways to Respect Your Husband


Love & Respect BookAnd again, if you’re searching for practical suggestions, Love and Respect has tons of great ones. It is such a great resource for those who are committed to changing their marriage for the better. If you haven’t read it yet, you really should. (In fact, I probably should read it again…)


Yes, it will probably be hard at first. It’s won’t feel natural. It won’t be easy. But time and time again, when I’ve set my own feelings and emotions aside to do things God’s way, I have never, ever regretted it.


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Ready to Dive Into God’s Will for Your Marriage?

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Looking for ways to strengthen your marriage? Are there other relationships in your life that need some care? I’ve learned that a solid relationship with God is the foundation for great relationships with others.

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Practical, encouraging, and full of biblical truth, Follow God’s Will is designed to help you answer questions including:

  • What does God want me to do?
  • How do I apply the Bible’s instructions to my life today?
  • Where is God calling me personally?
  • How can I make a difference right where I am?
  • How should I navigate relationships with those who think, act, or believe differently than I do?
  • And so many more!

Want to start reading for free?

Simply enter your first name and email below, and I’ll send you an exclusive “first-peek” right away, right to your inbox!

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Do you struggle with respect when your husband is a jerk? What is it that’s getting in your way? Is it that you don’t want to respect your husband when he’s being a jerk or you just don’t know how?


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  1. Just read your article and it hits home. My biggest issue is that my hubs can act childish and still hasn’t seemed to figure out how to treat me like a partner. I do feel like a doormat at times. I want to respect him like the bible says but it hurts to give in and submit knowing that he won’t care if I feel understood or heard and so he gets his way and I get nothing. How do you deal with those emotions?

    1. I’m sorry to hear that. 🙁 I think at some point you just have to decide that it doesn’t matter what he does — you will continue to do what YOU know is right. After all, you are only responsible for you and your actions are the only ones you can choose.

      1 Peter 3:1 says “Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives.” Even if he isn’t an unbeliever, I would imagine it would still apply. YOU do the right thing (since your actions are all you can control). and hope he follow suit.

      I’m sorry, I don’t know if that helps. Hard to give too much in-depth advice when I don’t personally know you or the situation 🙁

      1. I m married to a man who is a jerk ,so sorry to say this but it s the only word I can describe his attitude towards me.He thinks he s fine and that it is me that I have problems.i am easy going and a very peaceful ,calm woman.however ,after years of being mistreated by my husband I became harsh,trying hard to put boundaries,limits and I tried to focus on God more than the hurt and sometimes it works but most of the time I feel so hurt and lonely.the only thing keeping me in this marriage is our child.i want to put an end to all this pain but I feel trapped despite all the prayers,counselling,attempts to communicate ,etc.i asked for help in church but people feel not equipped to deal with these issues and the only advice I get is “let it go”,don’t take too much care about it,all men are the same……I can’t hide my hurt.any advice?

      2. I’m sorry to hear that 🙁 Did you two go to counseling? Or just you? Yeah, it’s a shame that the harder issues ARE more difficult for the church to deal with, but honestly, every ministry specializes in its own thing. Churches specialize in helping lead individuals closer to Christ. So, that’s where you’d go if you want to become more Godly as a result of the trials. But not necessarily for marriage help. For that, you really would need to go to a Christian counselor who specializes in marriage troubles – especially if you’ve tried lots of things so far and they aren’t working 🙁

        I can give you a few pieces of advice… I’m not sure if they’ll help or not, but for what they are worth…

        1. Our husbands were never meant to “complete” us. That’s God’s job. Our husbands will NEVER be perfect. They will always fail us (and we will fail them). If you are relying on your husband for wholeness, that simply isn’t going to work.

        2. You are responsible for you and your actions – not his. If he wants to be a jerk, let him. Just ignore it and let it roll right off of you. YOU do the right thing. That’s all God asks of you.

        3. Know that you are NOT alone. Thousands of women all around the world are going through this exact same thing right now. It’s more common than you would ever know because people simply don’t like to talk about it.

        Hope some of that helps at least a little!

      3. Perhaps it’s best and time to take charge of your situation, it’s unhealthy for us, as moms to give and give without receiving little to anything in return, I don’t agree with the “God bring me to the end of myself” prayer, I’m usually quite taken aback when I hear christians pray this.

        I would recommend a book by Jean Lush called Women and Stress and her book Emotional Phases of a Woman’s Life. I encourage you to start exploring who you are as a woman. I did and have incredible respect for my limits now. I think an important very to remember is “Above all else guard your heart, for from it flow the issues of life.” Feel free to look it up in context. I think it’s possible to love someone who has hurt you. My spouse was unfaithful just two weeks after we had our second child. Two years down the line, he hasn’t changed much, doesn’t own his part and says “it was just fun, nothing more.”
        I know first hand what it is to give my husband up in prayer but like pharaoh I think God is handing him over to his hard heart. As for me, I forgive him and am making plans to establish a career and eventually divorce.

        I love myself too much to set this example for my daughters. My father was also a chronic cheater on my mom and I know it brought the worst out in her. I wish she had the stomach to leave him. Don’t get my wrong though, my Dad is a very good man and I love him more than I could ever love my mother, she was abusive and appears to have symptoms of BPD. Many factors there but I’ve met many wonderful, mothers with BPD and some are even my friends. My mom just wasn’t one.

        Anyway, call is personally calling me to love my husband, which is hard to do but I am slowly healing and recognizing my strength and worth, I don’t believe in love anymore. I believe though, that God created s very tenacious woman in me, I’ve been attending school full time and raising two girls, no childcare. I have set my mind to love him while we are together and after the divorce. Believe it or not I respect him because God just worked on my heart.

        I encourage you, please love yourself. Remember who you are and don’t get lost in your husband anymore, the best case scenario isn’t that you and your husband stay married, it’s you being the wholesome strong woman you were before your heart was broken, that part of you is still there, nurture yourself, ignore your husbands rude behavior and just enjoy being you doing things you enjoy with the kids. If he’s rude and throwing fits, as mine often does, leave chores for later and take the kids to the beach or a museum. Even a park visit and coffee date with other women will be enjoyable, he’s not the center of your universe, and your world should not revolve around his. If talking to him does nothing then don’t bring it up, my husband can be extremely irrational and unreasonable (worsened by ptsd) and I let it go and choose to ignore him and be happy with my girls. He’s even asked to join because he gets so lonely when we aren’t around, but that took many many years, about 5 exactly.

        Respect yourself lovely woman, and please these types of article are not for women like us. There is an across the board standard set here and, like with children, not every solution is the same. Different solutions are meant for different people. Don’t feel guilty for not measuring to this standard, just focus on you and God and tune out the people that say, save your marriage, pray for it daily etc. Just be you. If you disagree then that is okay, please read those books, though, I hope you begin the journey to seeing and rediscovering how whole a woman you are and your strength.

  2. I am reading the love and respect book right now and it is tough to swallow. My husband and I are definitely struggling. I am trying to show him respect but his actions make it very hard especially when he can’t tell me how I show him disrespect. I was recently told by our marriage counselor to be his accountability partner well each time I do he just gives me excuses and then makes me feel horrible for confronting him and trying to hold him accountable. He is also suppose to be reading love and respect but he just uses the excuses that he doesn’t like to read and doesn’t have time but yet he has plenty of time to watch Netflix. This is the third time in our marriage that things have blown up way out of proportion and I am the only one it seems that really wants to fix it and I have done my part and I know it’s not an over the night change but I’m definitely tired of doing everything I can think of with no help or communication. Even our marriage counselor sees that he has not put in any effort. I could go on and on but that would just be bashing him which I’m suppose to uplift him. I guess I’m really just at my wits end right now.

    1. I can imagine!

      While I don’t know your situation, I would definitely disagree about you being your husband’s accountability partner. I would definitely NOT want to be my husband’s. He needs you to be his safe place and the one who always sees the best in him – not his “mom” who he has to admit all his wrongdoings to.

      And if he doesn’t read it – well, that’s his choice. He’s a grown-up and you can’t force him. At the end of the day, you are responsible for your actions and he is responsible for his. But could you read it and then talk to him about it? Could you just say “Hey, I just read this and I thought it was so interesting! What do you think about [xyz concept]?”

      It’s definitely taking me a long time to figure out my husband’s “respect language” as well. (Side note – we totally need a “5 Respect Languages” book just like the “5 Love Languages” book). But I think I’m finally starting to figure it out as I make mistakes and get things right without realizing it. It’s been a journey.

      I actually have a guest post lined up on dealing with difficult marriages in just a couple weeks. Definitely make sure you check back because I think you’ll find it really helpful!

      1. Well he is struggling with infidelity right now. Hence why I am having such a hard time showing him unconditional respect. I had changed a lot of the things I do and thought we were fine only to find out he was having another affair for over a month. He continues to say he loves me and always has but it just seems like I don’t fulfill his needs. I don’t know exactly what I need to do to interest him more as he doesn’t communicate to me what he likes and he has changed so much in the 5 years I have known him. I have taken the biblical approach with reaching out to our elders who have done marriage counseling and are now counseling us it is helping me a little but doesn’t seem to be reaching him. I feel like he only wants to stay together because of our kids and it’s cheaper where we live to do so and the fact that I do so much for him that he doesn’t know what to do or care to learn what to do.

  3. 1 peter 3:7 “likewise” husbands live with your wives in an understanding way.
    Ephesians 5:25 “husbands love your wives”
    A husband is called to respect his wife. The reason why “to love” is empathized for a man is because he needs to focus and work on this as guys tend to have struggles in areas of pride and responsibility which is why I think they were given a leadership role, wasn’t because they would necessarily be good at it but it is a specific opportunity to sharpen certain weeknesses. Women on the other hand are called to submit themselves in order to create a sense of community as women by nature are more independent and need to work as a team, this is weakness on our part. Women desperately need to learn a sense of community. See Genesis – the woman didn’t desire her husband and Adam went really far in the blame game even blaming God. “The woman which you have to me.” So he was given a responsible position and she was ordered to submit and be in community.
    Many guys are unfortunately not mature in themselves and their relationships and emphasize that they are the head of the household however disregard the intimate interconnection of head and body.
    Ephesians 5:28 “in the same way husbands love your wife as your own body….”
    So what can we personally expect from our bodies when we don’t get enough sleep, eat well and exercise?
    husbands who want “authority” must serve and be of even higher accountability.
    I say submit your concerns to him So that if he wants things to work as they need to that you need him to instigate and spearhead the difficulties and manage it. Guys need a straightforward approach.

    1. Yes, that is all very true too. But since this blog is written specifically for women — this post is only about what women should do/are responsible for. 🙂

      1. Thanks Brittany I always like a respectful lively discussion and yes maybe I should have elaborated more on my eventual point but there was more than one I felt compelled to make.
        So many men want to know what women want and I think in a respectful way that we would want, we should just tell them. In my opinion we expect them to have the sensitivities that we do but they don’t. I think because we can not depend on our physical strength we develop environmental sensitivities which they don’t.
        I think it is very much appreciated by most guys to be told in a straightforward way that we need them, but also what we need from them in a tone of respect and direction to encourage him to become an initiator. This is an act of submission as it is an act of communication.

  4. Try throwing being married to a cop in this mixture. After 30 years of intense law enforcement training, things just are not going to change at home. It’s very lonely knowing your husband will always see you as a suspect. There aren’t many articles on addressing LE issues in the home by Christian authors.

    1. Awww, I can imagine that would be really rough! And yeah, I don’t have any experience with that specifically. Are there other police officer wives you could connect with? Maybe a great Facebook group online? I’m sure there have to be others in the same situation.

  5. Please pray for myself and my husband. We have been married for a month and a half. Dating, he was good to me and my children. Now that we’re married- if things don’t go his way- he ignores me, puts me down, or acts like he could care less about anything I do or say. It hurts, as I had truly believed him to be a man of integrity. Please pray for us all. Amen.

    1. Oh no, that’s awful! Have you tried talking to him about what’s going on? Have you tried talking to any other godly women in your life that know the situation better?

  6. Good suggestions. I can see why some women are rankled by them, though. I think it’s wishful thinking to want a formula. But I think it’s important NOT to ignore feelings of anger at an injustice. Sometimes it just helps to know that other women are experiencing less-than-perfect relationships, too. I eventually accepted that my partnership is going to be annoying as hell sometimes. My husband is sometimes a selfish ass who hurts my feelings. But generally, I feel satisfied and at peace in this relationship. My husband is responsible, faithful, a good provider. He’s patient with the children. I like him, mostly. I love him, too. So I take the good with the annoying and disappointing. If he repeatedly does something crappy, I try to wait until I’m not fuming to ask for something different next time. But some things have never gotten better. He’s a nut when I redecorate anything. He once yelled that he would “never, ever, ever!” use our girls’ bathroom again when I redid it in pink. When he comes out of that bathroom now, we occasionally remind him. He swears we’re making it up. He recently yelled at me for “making an obstacle course” after pulling the appliances away from the walls to repaint. He’s still a crazy man when I replace or repaint anything. Sometimes I’m mad and punitive. Other times I’m a super cool, and totally impressed with myself for being so chill. My girlfriends share their own stories, although I have a couple of gal pals who are not comfortable acknowledging that their relationships aren’t perfect. But I’ll tell you, the rest of us wouldn’t put up with their husbands’ jackassery for a minute. Obviously, each relationship is different. In the end, I suspect we probably all have unrealistic expectations of ourselves, our husbands and of marriage. Will I put up with some B.S.? I’ve decided that, yes, I will. I’ve found there tends to be less of it over time.

  7. I appreciate this article Brittany. I think that it stays true to biblical values. The difficulty I have is that to me, it seems like the whole “kill them with kindness” model that then hopefully they will be compelled to change because you are doing all the right things. Unfortunately, some husbands are so self righteous and self centered that they wont even take the time to notice the respect that you give them and will never change . You end up giving respect 100% respect and only getting 50% or less back, essentially becoming a doormat. Although we should ultimately be content with how God views us it still doesn’t take away our need to feel respected and valued by our mate. These feelings are hurtful and can really affect your self esteem as a wife. You cant be your own support system in a marriage and just ignore your feelings of disrespect from your spouse. It’s like a lose/lose situation. You offer your husband a “perfect” wife with a “perfect” heart and he will just take advantage of it. You become used and emotionally drained, How do you deal with that? Just treat him like a king, give the utmost respect, and accept that you will never get it in return? Be miserable for the duration of your marriage while your husband, gets everything he could dream of from you as a wife?

    1. You’re absolutely right. This article was mostly to say “You are responsible for you, so YOU do the right thing no matter what.” But sometimes the right thing isn’t just to passively “be nice” but to actually confront him with his sin and how he is hurting you.

      I’m actually just finishing up a book now that I really think would be very beneficial to you. It’s called “Married but Lonely” by David Clarke and it takes a very no-nonsense approach to “If your husband isn’t fulfilling his end of your relationship, and he’s basically a good, Godly man, it IS sinful of him and it IS Biblical to confront him in love. And here’s step-by-step how to do that.”

      Here’s the link if you want to check it out on Amazon (The eversion is super cheap):

      Hope that helps!

  8. I have been remarried 3 months now after being a single mom for 4 years (plus another 2 if you count the separation). During our courtship we coordinated dates when the kids were with their other parent (between us there are 5 teenagers all in high school now living at home – most of the time with us) and did a few activities like watching the kids at their sporting events together. After we were married I moved to his home and he became frustrated about the time it was taking to move, then unpack (still not unpacked) because it took away from our time together. My kids are very active but only 2 of the 3 drive and they attend a school in a different city (private school where I work). I lost all my car pool groups and their friends now live a minimum of 30 min away. He complains I am never available for him and I need to tell my kids if they want to participate in school activities they have to find their own rides or not do it. I am the stable parent for my kids and have always been there for them. I have had to say no a few times to keep the peace, but now he is wanting me to stop going to watch my kids and spend that time alone with him. One child is senior in high school and doing new activities this year and I have always told my kids I will attend and support. My husband knew this before we got married, but he said he was hoping I would stop going. He is happy when no kids are home, but complains non-stop when his or mine are home and throws stomping around the house tantrums and very snarky comments. We are in counseling and I am having a very hard time adjusting. Since I mentioned this, he is now saying it is all on me to take on more work and responsibilities around the house so we have time together. Hum, he spends 1 or more hours on the phone or reading. I work 2 jobs and run kids to their events (I used to car pool a lot! There is no one in our area – I have checked). When I try to unpack, I am taking time away from us, when I am doing errands for the house, I am taking time away from us. Now it is all my fault in his eyes for any time we don’t spend together. I am closing up and walling up my heart. That is wrong and I hate the feeling. How do I respect with also keeping my promises to my children to be that stable parent (they are struggling with the changes so I am trying to be consistent)? I am so torn. I was a very happy and content person, but now nothing is right.

    1. That’s so frustrating! Have you asked him (in a polite way) why he wants to spend SO much time with you? Is there something his ex did that is making him insecure? Also – why can’t you do more of the things you need to do together? You can unpack together – or he can at least keep you company while you unpack. You can go to the kids’ activities together. Seems like you have plenty of time – he just wants it to be spent the way he wants it to be spent.

      1. I have asked in a round about way, and he states it is his marriage ideal to do basically everything together (like he remembers his parents doing). He does have lots of trust issues with his ex – and I have seen that come out a bit towards me, but I call him on it when it happens. He hates sports activities due to his ex wife and will no longer attend his own kids events except very rare occasion when he knows she will not be there. He now wants me to miss my kids events (not just sports but just about everything). I agree – there are plenty of opportunities – but if I don’t chose his way then he says I am the one not willing to compromise because I would be forcing him to do something he hates or chosing the kids over him, and to have a solid marriage the partner needs to come first. Ok – there is truth to giving the partner a higher position – however in second marriage situations kids are fragile and need stability (I work at a school and see things all the time). I don’t want them suddenly fending for themselves while we go out or sit in bed and read all evening. It doesn’t seem healthy for the household. My desire is for him to be excited when we do get solo time yet enjoy being active and supporting the kids. He doesn’t see it that way – that they are teens and they need to figure it out themselves. Another thing he mentioned is that I am not letting him be the leader of the household by not putting him first in these choices (again – dumping the kids to figure out rides or not participate in what they have been enjoying for years). We don’t do club sports/events – it is just the ones through the school…
        Last night I joined him for dinner with one of his son’s. I was supposed to do the grocery shopping, but I went. THEN I did the shopping and he was in bed reading when I got home. I unloaded the grocerys, then dishwasher, re-loaded and did the mail. He was upset that I didn’t come straight to bed. This following conversation earlier in the day that he is upset I don’t pitch in enough. I love him, and yes it is early in the marriage and we didn’t live together first…I am seeking ideas and support (yes we do see a counselor once a month – we started when we got engaged)

  9. My husband of 11 years is an unbeliever, we married when I was backslidden. We have three children. 98% of the time he is such a loving husband and father, but the other 2% he is just immature and behaves like a toddler. A giant, swearing toddler. I tried to approach him this morning after he stormed out in a tantrum over something small, I went about it wrong and told him he was acting like a child. He text back with a curse word. I was angry and wanted to text back and tell him he just proved my point. But I felt the holy spirit convict me and I just replied with ‘I love you’. He has not replied to that so i will let him stew and pray for him. I try to always be mindful of the instructions given in the word to us wives of unbelievers. But it is so hard. Especially when the can be childish and throw tantrums.

    1. Hey, if it’s only happening 2% of the time though — that’s really not so bad. Annoying, yes, but I’d say you have a lot to be thankful for.

  10. Hi, just read this as you posted it on Twitter. I’m new to your blog & look forward to reading more.

    I’m co-host of Theology Gals podcast and hear from many women in this situation. As I’ve told them, “You’re still called to obedience, even when you’re husband isn’t obedient.” It’s so easy for women to justify sinning when they’ve been sinned against.

    As you know, it’s very hard for women that are in bad marriages, that have husbands that behave like jerks. One thing I always encourage women to do is talk to their Pastors. Pastors can offer wise counsel and encouragement for women in these situations.

    I appreciate the things you’ve said here and for differentiating between abuse and what you’re talking about. Some good advice here. I’m going to take some time and read through more of your posts. We’re always looking for sound Christian women to recommend, good articles on things like this that women ask us about.

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